


Anything But Love

by joshuaorrizonte



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Other, angsty asra
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-09
Updated: 2019-07-17
Packaged: 2020-06-25 09:59:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 29,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19743373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joshuaorrizonte/pseuds/joshuaorrizonte
Summary: Asra will give anything in his power to bring the apprentice back. ANYTHING. But when Julian begins to worm his way into Asra's heart, Asra finds he has a decision to make that he's not sure he's prepared for.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> There are references to my apprentice, Thomas, because, well... Avoiding using a name is awkward and doesn't quite work. This work doesn't feature him, though.

Asra waited in the parlor, hands twisting in the strap of his bag. It had been a matter of days since he'd been back in Vesuvia. A matter of days since the worst day of his life. Every thought he had seemed to go back to Thomas, to the pile of bone and ash his compass had pointed him to. Days since he had even gotten out of bed. He barely ate; everything tasted like ash, and he wasn't hungry. He could barely sleep; the bed he had shared with Thomas seemed impossibly empty. It had been months since they had been together; Asra thought he'd have been used to sleeping alone by then.

But it wasn't that. It was the fact that he'd never sleep next to someone again.

At least, that's what he told himself when the news reached him. As he laid awake two nights ago, his mind raking over that last conversation, searching for a way he could've convinced Thomas to flee Vesuvia with him, the thought occured to him. It was terrifying, but it was his only hope. It would work. It had to work. It had to work, or he was as good as dead. He couldn't live without Thomas. He _couldn't_.

But Nadia knew he'd run rather than stay and face the plague. He had no idea what kind of reception he'd get now, but he had to try. This was his best chance at pulling this off. He needed their resources. Nothing else mattered. He'd say whatever he had to in order to convince Nadia that he was genuine.

Finally, after what felt like hours, the door to the parlor opened, and Nadia strode in. Asra couldn't bring himself to meet her gaze as she sat across from him. She said nothing, waiting patiently.

But he outwaited her. "Asra. Look at me."

He obeyed, violet eyes meeting her red. She stared at him, hard, searching. "Doctor Devorak's letter got to you," she said finally.

"Yes." His voice was barely a whisper.

"I'm so sorry."

Asra looked away. "He knew the danger he was in by staying."

"So did you. That's why you _didn't_. Why are you here now, Asra?"

Her voice was gentle, unaccusing. He met her gaze again, taking a deep breath. "I'll... I'll pick up where he left off," he said quietly. "Finding this cure meant something to him. If I had stayed, maybe- maybe, with another set of hands and eyes, we'd have-"

Nadia's hand grasped his gently. "There was nothing you could have done, Asra," she told him softly. "He even hid it until he was too ill to leave his bed."

Asra's eyes widened. "How? How did you miss that his eyes had turned red?"

"He avoided us at all costs." She sighed. "I'm sorry. There was nothing we could do..."

Asra looked down at his hands. "He wanted so desperately to find that cure," he whispered. "I want to help. I was... selfish. I know I can help, and I have to. I know that now." He looked up, swallowing hard. "If you'll let me."

Nadia gazed into his eyes, searching. Asra held his breath. He did want the cure. It wouldn't do him any good to do this if Thomas was just going to get sick and die again. But he needed- _needed_ \- the resources at the palace. He wasn't going to be able to save anyone at all if Nadia turned him away.

Finally, she nodded. "Your help is as welcome now as it was at the beginning of this mess. Doctor Devorak and Quaestor Valdemar say they've made strides in finding the cure. I'll ask Doctor Devorak to bring you up to speed. In the meantime, is there anything we can do for you?"

He knew what she meant and shook his head. "No. I'll- I'll never be alright again, but I'm sure it will hurt less with time."

Her gaze was almost pitying. "They do say time is the great healer. Will you be staying with us at the Palace?"

He shook his head. "No. I- I need to maintain the shop. It's- it's all I have left of him."

"Fair enough." She stood. "Wait here. I'll send for Doctor Devorak."

Asra nodded and averted his gaze, exhaling slowly. She bought it. She actually bought it. He was going to work for that cure, of course. He might as well. But if she knew he had ulterior motives...

Well. If she knew, she wasn't calling him out.

Asra didn't want to talk to Ilya. He never wanted to see him again. Thomas had been apprenticed to _him_ , and he didn't notice Thomas was sick until he was on his way to the lazaret. Not that there was anything he could have done to stop it, but... but if Asra had gotten word that Thomas was sick, it would have spurred him to action sooner. Instead of getting a letter telling him that his lover was ill, though, Ilya sent him a letter telling him his lover was _dead_. He hadn't even been able to say goodbye, and it was Ilya's fault.

He smoothed over his anger. Pointing fingers wasn't going to bring Thomas back to him. He still didn't have to like that he had to talk to him.

In a matter of minutes, the salon door opened again. This time, Doctor Julian Devorak entered. Julian took one look at him, and the first words out of his mouth were, "Forgive me, Asra. Please."

"You couldn't have done anything to stop it," Asra replied, his voice chilly despite his reassuring words. Julian heard it and what little color was in his face drained away. A prickle of guilt shimmered through Asra for hurting him, and he said, trying his hardest to keep his voice neutral, "Nadia tells me you've made progress."

"We have. Come to the library with me. I can show you the work I've done so far."

Asra shook his head. "That won't do me any good. I'm not a doctor, I won't understand. Explain to me in layman's terms what's going on and I'll try to figure out a way to assist with magic."

Julian looked at him appraisingly. "You should still come with me to the library. It's easier to show you than to explain."

Asra bowed his head, gritting his teeth for a moment. When he looked up, his expression was calm and neutral again. He could do this. He needed Julian's cooperation, too. "As you wish," he said softly, and followed Julian out of the room.

* * *

They spent the afternoon in intensive study together. Asra almost forgot he was angry with Julian; they had more important things to worry about than Asra's grudge, anyway. 

But he was disturbed. He knew Julian had a crush on him for as long as he could remember, but for all it went unspoken, neither of them took it seriously. But the way Julian leaned over him as they were discussing the plague, the way Julian's hands brushed his- more than once... Asra's face darkened as he walked home. Thomas _just died_ this week, and Julian was doing _that_? What had gotten into him?

And what was Asra going to _do_ about it? Despite his ill feelings towards Julian, he didn't want to _hurt_ him. But it seemed like that was exactly what was going to happen, because Julian didn't have a chance in hell with him. 

Maybe he could just ignore it. Play stupid.

Asra reached the shop and released the protection spell on the door, and went in. He suppressed the urge to call out that he was home, as he used to do when Thomas was still there. He had actually done it when he arrived back in Vesuvia, and a sharp pain in his heart immediately followed. He dropped his bag on the counter and locked the door behind him. He started up the stairs, then stopped, gaze on the backroom, mind turning. He didn't _want_ to deal with the Devil. Every deal struck with an Arcana demanded a price, and Asra wasn't sure it was a price he wanted to pay. He absolutely would if there was no other choice.

But if there _was_ a choice... could he do this on his own?

He stepped off the bottom stair and went back into the backroom, fingers trailing over the tablecloth over the table. This is where he told fortunes; Thomas had given him the space when he moved in. He didn't think he would be giving any tarot readings anytime soon. His mind was too clouded with grief and mental exhaustion. He wouldn't be able to hear the cards clearly. But he wouldn't be able to experiment freely in the palace. Surely if he explained to Nadia that some of what he wanted to investigate was dangerous, she'd let him take resources home to carry out those experiments away from the palace...

With that thought, he rummaged on one of the shelves lining the walls and found a piece of chalk. He thought about it briefly, then started drawing lines over the tablecloth. He could do this. One way or another, he _would_ do this.

* * *

Asra worked feverishly into the dark of the night, his mind on one thing only: figuring out how to bring Thomas back without the Devil's intervention. The fact that he'd never heard of anyone successfully resurrecting someone was a moot point in his mind. He was powerful. He knew he was. Was he powerful enough to do this? He was going to find out, one way or another.

And if he failed, he could always fall back on his original plan to strike a bargain with the Devil.

He only stopped working when sunlight filtered into the window of the shop. He rubbed his eyes, cursing softly. He would be expected at the palace today. It wouldn't look good if he didn't show up on his first day on the job. He was just going to have to deal with the exhaustion. 

He cleaned himself up, washing his face and mouth. The cold water on his face invigorated him, and he was surprised at how awake he felt as he started walking to the palace. He went slower than he should have, perhaps; it was near midmorning by the time he reached the town square and caught a carriage to the palace. It was nearly afternoon by the time he actually arrived. "Look who finally decided to join us," Julian greeted as he stepped into the library. Then his face went concerned. "You look exhausted."

"I don't feel exhausted. What did I miss?"

"Rough night?"

Asra swallowed back irritation. "I didn't sleep, actually. What did I miss?"

Now Julian was horrified. "You didn't sleep? Why not?"

"I was busy working and lost track of time," Asra answered honestly. It was obvious that Julian wasn't going to drop the issue. "Honestly, I feel fine."

"You're not fine, whether you feel like it or not," Julian replied, standing and walking over to him. "Sleep deprivation effects your mind no matter how awake you may feel. I want you to sleep at least a few hours. Come on, you can rest in my room."

"That's not necessary," Asra protested. "Ilya, I'm fine. I mean it. I'll- I'll sleep tonight, I promise."

Julian stared down at him, his concern obvious in his eyes and demeanor. "What exactly were you working on so intently that you forgot to sleep?" he asked blankly.

There was no possible way it would end well if he answered that honestly. "The cure," he lied. "I had some ideas when I left last night that I wanted to test."

"I see. Any luck?"

"Unfortunately not. But now I know some things that _won't_ work. It's still progress."

"I suppose so." Julian hesitated. "Please rest, Asra. I don't want you collapsing of exhaustion."

Asra sighed. "I really wish you would drop it. I'm not going to collapse after one night of missed sleep."

Julian took Asra's hand and led him to a set of reclining chairs, and pushed him down into one. He took the one across from him. "Grief is powerful," he said solemnly. "It can make us forget that we're alive, that we're needed in the world. I need your help, Asra. I need you to be _here_. Please don't let your grief for Thomas consume you."

Asra started to protest that wasn't what was happening. The words died on his lips as he realized Julian was right. He put a hand to his face and closed his eyes. "I appreciate the concern," he said, and he meant it, "but right now, in this moment, I am _fine_. If that changes, I promise I'll tell you and I promise I'll rest."

"I'm going to hold you to that," Julian murmured, clearly not convinced. Regardless, he stood and gestured Asra over to his desk. "We haven't made much progress since last night. I seem to have hit a block. I think there would be a promising treatment if we were able to extract sap from one of the kerishna trees in the forest northeast of here, but that would simply ease the symptoms."

"I think that's a worthy goal," Asra murmured, looking over the document Julian was working on. "Victims of the plague suffer so much." He winced, thinking about Thomas, how much he must have suffered. "If we can ease that suffering even a little bit while we're looking for a cure..."

"You're right, of course. You're familiar with the forest, right? You used to live out there."

"I did and I am."

"Have you ever collected sap before?"

"Not from kerishna trees," he answered honestly, "but I'm sure I can figure out how to do it. What else do we need?"

"I haven't gotten that far yet. Let's focus on that today, and then once we have something substantial, you can put it all together. Maybe add some magic to make it more effective."

Asra couldn't help but smile at that. Julian was notoriously closed-minded about magic. If he was so ready to suggest it, he must be getting desperate indeed. "I can do that. Let's get to work."


	2. Chapter 2

Asra wiped his brow with the back of his hand, sweating with the effort it took to maintain the flow of magic into the concoction Julian had come up with. It had been Asra's idea to try to alter the properties of the treatment for the symptoms, but no matter what he did, he couldn't get the medicine to do what he wanted.

A hand on his shoulder stopped him. "That's enough," Julian said. "It's obviously not working. You're just exhausting yourself at this point." With a frustrated puff of breath, Asra released the flow of magic. Dizziness swept over him and he staggered; Julian's hands reached out and steadied him. "Are you alright?"

"No." Asra wiped his face again, avoiding Julian's gaze. In the three weeks he'd been back, Julian had gotten blatant about his feelings, and it baffled him. Asra had been aloof, at best; there were a few instances where he'd gotten downright cruel in his attempts to avoid Julian's affections. He was still playing stupid, but that wouldn't work for much longer. 

The longer it went on, though, the more intrigued Asra got. He was starting to get tempted, just to see how far Julian was willing to take this. It was a dark impulse from dark emotions that Asra wanted nothing more than to bury. That wasn't the kind of person he wanted to be. 

But he was _lonely_. At first, he'd wept bitterly every night when he tried to sleep, but last night, the tears just wouldn't come. He found himself thinking about Julian, ruminating on his unwanted affections. Could he use Julian to fill the void in himself that Thomas had left? 

He had immediately put that thought out of his head, disgusted with himself. People weren't to be _used_. What was he thinking? What was happening to him that he'd so casually consider doing something like that to another person?

Julian hadn't taken his hands off Asra's arm and back. It took a number of moments for Asra to notice it, but when he did, he gently pulled away. "Thanks," he said, sighing. "Well, that's not going to work and I haven't a clue why. It should have worked."

Julian sighed. "Maybe you need to do some research. Maybe there's something you're missing."

"You're probably right, but I've never seen any spellbooks talk about altering the properties of medicine before. I'm not sure it's a subject that's been written about."

The doctor gave him a wry smile. "Maybe that just means _you_ need to write it. Think about the fame, the _fortune_ -"

"I wouldn't know where to begin," Asra replied bluntly. "I'm not a doctor. If anyone would be the one to write that, it would've been Thomas. He was a magician training in medicine. I'm not."

At the mention of the dead magician, a heavy pall settled over the two of them. "I can teach you, you know," Julian said softly.

"No thanks." He sighed, picking up his bag and casting a baleful glare at the vial of medicine he'd been trying to alter. "I'm going home to try to find something on the subject."

"You know what?" Julian's eyes gleamed, and Asra braced himself. Not again... "We both worked hard today- and that's saying something for you."

Color flared in Asra's face. "You don't understand. This requires a lot of thought-"

"I'm sure it does, even if it looks like you're sitting there staring off into space." Before Asra could object to the characterization, Julian smiled. "How about you join me for a few drinks? My treat."

A refusal was on the tip of Asra's tongue. Something stopped him. Whether it was loneliness, or something less pure within him, he wasn't sure, but he wanted to accept that invitation. Julian stood there, patiently waiting for his answer, hopeful as always. 

Asra forcefully shut down the part of his mind yelling at him to just go home, that he was going to regret it deeply if he led Julian on like this. But the words wouldn't come. "Alright," he said, cringing inside. "The price is right, anyway."

Julian smiled and offered his hand to Asra. Asra pointedly ignored it, collecting his things and striding out of the library. "You like to go to the Rowdy Raven, right? I've been in there a few times. Not usually my kind of place, but I don't have any other suggestions."

He heard the disappointment in Julian's voice, as much as he tried to hide it. "That's where I was planning on taking you, yes. It isn't very far from your shop, is it?"

"Far enough." Asra shrugged, not looking back. This was a bad idea. This was such a bad idea.

"Maybe we can spend the night at my home."

Now Asra did look back, over his shoulder. "I thought you'd moved permanently here."

"I kept the house." Julian's voice was dry. "I need to get away from our beloved Count every once in a while. You have no idea what you escaped when you left, Asra. He's just gotten worse as he's gotten more and more ill."

"I want to know how he's managed to survive it this long," Asra replied, slowing his pace to walk beside Julian. "The plague kills within weeks. He's been sick for months. Maybe we need to be examining _him_ to find this cure."

Julian shot him a wry look. "You're welcome to bring it up to him if you want. You're doing it alone if you choose to do it. I'm not _that_ much of a glutton for punishment."

"Traitor." Asra gave him a small smile to show that he wasn't serious. "I'm not dying to actually talk to the man," he said darkly. "Part of why I left was to get away from him."

"I thought you left to get away from the plague."

"I said part." Asra glanced at him. "It's reassuring to know that he's still insufferable. It's nice that some things remain the same no matter what."

"I dare you to tell him that."

"I'm not suicidal." Julian let out a surprised laugh, and Asra shot him a grin. "Not that he can do much nowadays, but that gauntlet is still sharp no matter how sick he gets."

"That is a fair point." Julian was quiet for a moment, then said, "He raged for hours when he got word that you'd left the city. Nadia just barely talked him out of sending soldier to drag you back. It took both of us to convince him that Thomas was as good as you.”

“Thomas was better than me.” A pained sigh escaped his lips. “I don’t know what I’m going to do, Ilya,” he whispered. “I wasn’t expecting that argument to be the last time I saw him. If I could take it all back...”

Julian put a hand on his shoulder. “You can’t,” he said quietly, “but I will tell you what you’re going to do. Live your life, Asra. He would want you to live and move on.”

A flash of irritation crossed Asra’s features. “He died last month,” Asra clipped back, “and you’re talking about moving on?”

“Am I wrong? Would he have wanted you to stay stuck?” Julian shook his head. “That’s not the Thomas I knew, and I know that’s not the Thomas you knew, either.”

“Don’t tell me about the Thomas I knew,” Asra snapped. “I changed my mind. I’m going home.”

“I’m sorry,” Julian said immediately. “I crossed a line. I won’t bring him up again.”

All of the anger left Asra abruptly. “No, you were right,” he said sullenly. “I can almost hear him yelling at me for wallowing. I just miss him so much...”

Julian said nothing, choosing instead to put a hand on his shoulder and pat it as they walked. 

They arrived at the pub shortly after, and Julian escorted Asra to one of the booths in the back of the restaurant. He told Asra to make himself comfortable, and went to the bar. Asra looked around his surroundings in interest. It had been about a year since he’d been in this particular establishment, and as far as he could tell, very little had changed. Just about the only thing he had noticed was the presence of a waitress, flitting between the tables as she checked on people and brought them drinks and food. There was just one of them; she was busy, but not harried.

At least, not very harried. Asra’s eyes narrowed as he saw a customer, clearly drunk, make a grab for her skirt. She twirled away from him, laughing nervously.

Julian saw his expression as he came back to the booth. “Uh oh. What did I miss that’s got you pissed off?”

He nodded in the direction of the patron. “That guy just tried to grope the serving girl.”

Julian turned, and made a face when he saw him. “Oh. Him. Try to ignore him, he’s usually harmless.” His expression darkened a bit. “Usually. Groping the staff would be a new low for him.”

Julian tried to change the subject, but Asra was watching the troublemaking patron, anger steadily growing every time the handsy man tried to grab the girl. His temper abruptly ran out when the man reached out and grabbed her around her waist, pulling her down into his lap as she struggled. Asra focused his magic on the man, flicking his wrist in his direction. Unnoticed, Asra's magic wrapped around the man, settling over his body like a shroud.

Julian noticed the gesture and glanced back at the man, eyes wide, as the bargirl managed to free herself and flounce away. "What did you do to him?" he asked in morbid curiosity.

"Just watch." Asra calmly took a sip of his drink as Julian continued to look, unnoticed. The man was laughing uproariously, finding the whole thing hysterical, as he lifted his stein to his lips-

-and the liquid trailed down the front of his shirt, soaking him.

The man said, loudly, "Whoops! Missed my mouth!" and tried again. The same thing happened. "What the-?!"

Julian suppressed the urge to laugh as the handsy customer continued to try to drink and continued to fail. Embarrassed, the man tossed a bunch of coins on the table and retreated out the door, his shirt soaked. "Please tell me that's going to wear off," he chuckled.

Asra shook his head. "Not unless I lift the hex. It'll only happen if he's drunk, though."

Now Julian did laugh. "Where did you learn that?"

Shrugging, Asra took another sip of his drink. "Once you know how to use magic, it comes naturally. I could teach you, if you want."

"No, thank you." Julian took a deep drag off his drink, and met Asra's eyes, and stopped. 

Asra stared back for a moment before saying softly, "If you keep staring, I might do a trick."

"Sorry. It's just... I don't know what else to do, other than just come out and say it. I'm trying _everything_ and you're oblivious."

He sighed, setting down his drink. "I'm not oblivious. I'm fully aware of what you're doing. I'm ignoring it."

"May I ask _why?_ "

Asra considered, briefly, telling him no. If he couldn't figure it out on his own, why should Asra tell him? But this was his best chance at getting Julian to leave him alone. "You do realize my lover _just_ died, right?"

"Your- your lover?" Julian frowned. "I thought you ended it when you left Vesuvia. Thomas told us that your parting wasn't pleasant."

_Oh_. "No, we didn't end it. We were working through that argument by letter, in fact, when... when his letters stopped coming." Asra winced at the memory. "But it wasn't over. We signed all of our letters, 'I love you.' I fully intended on resuming our relationship when I returned or managed to convince Thomas to join me."

Julian was silent for a few moments. "That explains a lot, actually." He sighed. "And it makes this worse. No wonder you're so angry with me."

"I'm not-"

"Don't lie to me. I'm not oblivious, either." 

Asra's face flushed. "He was apprenticed to you," he said quietly. "You should have noticed. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye because you weren't paying attention."

Julian was silent. "I'm sorry. You're right. He was... my employee, I guess. I was so wrapped up in my work that I barely paid any attention to him. And there's nothing I can do to make this up to you, short of going back in time. I can't do that, Asra, as much as I want to."

"I know." Asra took a deep breath. "I'll get over it eventually. Just give me time, Ilya."

"I think I can do that." 

Asra breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe this meant that Julian would back off. It also explained a lot to him, too. If Julian thought that they had broken up when Asra left, then he would think that Asra had months to get over Thomas, that it was just the shock of losing him for good. Now that he knew that they _hadn't_ broken up...

Julian kept up a steady stream of conversation with him as they drank. Asra stopped after his second drink, opting to ask for water after that. He didn't drink often, was starting to feel tipsy, and absolutely hated the loss of self-control that came from being drunk. Julian obliged easily, although he didn't stop drinking himself.

Finally, Julian seemed to have had enough, glancing at the clock on the wall. "I think we better be heading off." He turned his eyes back to Asra. "So? Are you spending the night at my place, or heading back to the shop?"

A flash of irritation shimmered through Asra, and he quickly stuffed it. There was no indication that Julian had anything but pure intentions; it was quite a walk back to the shop. Still... "I better go back to the shop," he answered. 

"Let me walk you home, then."

"I'll be fine on my own. It's not _that_ far."

Julian frowned. "This is a rough area at this time of night, Asra. I-"

"I can defend myself if I need to."

The doctor deflated like a popped balloon. "If you're sure..."

"I'm sure." Asra stood, holding out a hand. "Thanks, Ilya. It was... It was fun." 

Julian took his hand and shook it warmly as Asra realized that he was being honest. It _was_ fun, just sitting there, talking with him. They said their goodnights and Asra took his leave of him, his mind in turmoil. He had gone from wanting nothing to do with Julian to having fun with him. He wasn't sure he liked that progression. He was still angry with him; he _wanted_ to hold onto that anger. 

His trip back to the shop was solidly uneventful; he didn't see or hear anything or anyone the whole time. He released the protections on the door and stepped inside, lighting one of the lanterns inside with magic. Faust slid up to him, looking and sounding concerned. _Where?_

"I went out for drinks with... with a colleague."

Faust wrapped around his arm and brushed her head against his cheek. He scratched gently under her chin as he went to the backroom, then stopped. He wasn't _drunk_ and he didn't even feel tipsy anymore, but still... that wasn't something he wanted to work on if he had alcohol in his system. He thought it had been long enough, but... "No point in tempting fate, huh?" he murmured, more to himself than to Faust. 

_Sleep?_

"Yes, I think that would be best."

He put out the lantern and headed up the stairs. He almost started when Faust said, _Take with to palace._

"Oh? You want to help me work?"

_Help Asra._

Asra smiled as he mounted the last stair and went to the bed. He settled down to sleep, letting Faust unwind from his arm and curl up in a pile next to him. "Alright. I'll start taking you with me to the palace. Sleep well, Faust.

_Sweet dreams!_

His smile turned sad as he closed his eyes. He would dream of Thomas, as he did every night. He wouldn't call them sweet dreams, but they were welcome. He could see Thomas again every night, even if he lost him again every morning.


	3. Chapter 3

Asra sat in the nest of pillows Nadia had procured for him, reading a tome on healing magic. He was at a loss, about everything. He couldn't help with the plague research, and his own attempts at creating a ritual powerful enough to bring his lover back were falling flat. He couldn't even find his book on the Major Arcana to do more research into the Devil. He'd read that book cover to cover, multiple times, but he didn't fully trust his memory; it would be better if he could read the Devil's section again, so he knew exactly what he was getting into.

Julian worked quietly beside him, at his desk, taking notes every once in a while. Asra watched him curiously for a moment before sighing and turning back to his book. He hadn't backed off as Asra had hoped. In fact, his flirting got more obvious as the days went by. At first, it made Asra intensely uncomfortable. Ignoring it didn't help, politely rejecting his advances didn't help, and cruelly rejecting them didn't help. The man just wouldn't take a hint. But the more Julian flirted, the curiouser Asra got. How far _would_ Julian take this?

The thought to use him for comfort flitted through Asra's mind again, and he uncomfortably pushed it away. That really, _really_ wasn't the person he wanted to be, but his resistance to Julian was beginning to wear thin. He wasn't sure how long he'd be able to continue refusing him before his curiosity got the better of him. 

He pushed thoughts of Julian away, trying to focus on his book. The minutes ticked by; he stared at the page without comprehending a word on them. "Asra," Julian said softly. "Can you look at this for me?"

Asra set the book aside and stood, stretching. He had already learned that when Julian asked him to look at something, he was thinking and needed to think out loud to someone. Asra was very little help with it; he didn't have the training Julian had. But he made a face as his eyes scanned the page before him. "Leeches again?"

Julian's face colored. "When stuck, go back to the basics. If the disease is in a person's blood-"

"We already know leeches don't do anything for victims of the plague," Asra informed him testily. "No amount of leeches is going to do anything. Stop going back to leeches."

"I- I suppose you're right-"

Julian's words were cut off by the door to the library opening. Nadia strode in, looking nervous. "Asra. Lucio wishes to speak to you."

Asra and Julian exchanged looks. They both knew that Lucio was eventually going to confront Asra about leaving the city. Julian stood. "I'll go with you," he said softly.

Nadia shook her head. "No. He wants to speak with Asra alone."

Alarm shocked through him. "Well, that's never good," Asra murmured. "Do you know what this is about?"

The Countess sighed. "He didn't tell me, but he was put off that you didn't go to him yourself since you've been back."

Asra moved to join her, making a face as they walked. "Why would I _want_ to talk to Lucio?"

"He seems to think of himself as a mentor to you." Asra gave an ungentlemanly snort and Nadia hid a smile behind her hand. "You have nothing to fear from him. He's all talk and no substance. He will threaten you, but don't let him get to you. He's harmless."

"I wouldn't call him harmless," Asra said wryly, "but I'm not afraid of him. Maybe I was before he got sick, but he can barely get out of bed now. I know he's no threat to me."

Nadia nodded, and they came to Lucio's door. She paused before it, motioning for him to enter. "I will be right outside if you need me. If you think you can't handle him, call for me."

Asra nodded, and pushed the door open. Lucio laid in his bed, looking weak and pathetic, but his red eyes gleamed when they fell on Asra. "I'm disappointed in you," he said with a soft snarl. "You've been back for how long and you never came to talk to me?"

"What do you want, Lucio?" Asra was cold, staying by the door.

The snarl twisted into a bitter smile. "I wanted to see you. You left without saying goodbye, and-"

"You've seen me," Asra cut him off bluntly. "I'm busy. Looking for _your_ cure. I would think you wouldn't want me distracted from that."

"Twenty minutes isn't going to make a difference." Lucio lifted his alchemical arm and beckoned Asra closer with one finger. Asra stood his ground. "Oh, don't be like that. You've always been impossible to deal with. Fine, stay there."

Whatever Lucio wanted to say next was lost in a fit of coughing. Asra watched impassively, waiting for the fit to pass. "Are you sure you should be awake? You don't sound too good."

The snarl returned to Lucio's face. "I let you run away," he spat. "I could have had you dragged back to Vesuvia in chains for ignoring my call to help, but I didn't, and this is how you repay me."

Asra's patience was wearing thin already, but he wasn't about to show it. "What do you want, Lucio? The longer you keep me here, the more time I lose in trying to help Doctor Devorak find a cure. You're on borrowed time at this point. The plague usually kills in a matter of weeks."

"I know." He coughed again. 

Asra let the fit pass, thinking over his conversation with Julian about Lucio's remarkable ability to fight the plague off. Morbidly, Asra said, when Lucio could speak again, "You know, I could examine _you_ to find out how you're still alive. It might help me figure out how to best use my magic to help."

Much to Asra's surprise, Lucio simply shook his head. "That would be a good idea, if I wanted to be cured at this point. I don't."

Raising an eyebrow, Asra repeated flatly, "You don't want to be cured."

"No." Lucio's red eyes seemed to burn with the fever ravaging his body. "I'm never going to recover fully. I want a _new_ body. Just throw this whole thing out." He gestured down himself in disgust.

Asra went cold. He knew why Lucio had called him there now. "That's... not something I can do," he said softly, and he meant it. He needed a new body for Thomas, and so far, he'd made no progress. He knew for a fact that he couldn't do what Lucio was asking. Unless...

Lucio scoffed at him. "Yes, you can. I know you can. I know more about your magic than you think I do, Asra. You're powerful. And... and you have a connection to the Arcana."

Asra's eyes narrowed. "How do you know about any of this?" he demanded.

"You think you're the only one who can reach them?" Lucio coughed again. "Oh no. I happen to know quite a bit about certain Arcana. I happen to have experience with certain Arcana."

Now Asra was fighting down panic. How? How did he...? "There is one Arcana that would answer this kind of call," he said slowly. "The Devil. But he extracts payment for every bargain you strike with him, and what you're asking would come with a price I'm not sure you're willing to pay."

Lucio gave a barking laugh. "I'm well aware of the Devil's demands. I've dealt with him before. But I need your help, Asra. I can't do this alone- and I'm not asking you, either."

Asra closed his eyes. He didn't care if Lucio lived or died- although he'd vastly prefer it if Lucio died. He had been more than happy to let Vesuvia languish in the plague, until he caught it himself. A whole district of Vesuvia was flooded out, and Lucio hadn't lifted a finger to help them. And then there was Asra's own experiences with Lucio, all of which firmly convinced him that Lucio was a monster.

It was in that moment that Asra realized that he _did_ care if Lucio lived or died: he wanted him _dead_. He wanted him dead for everything he had done, to him, to Muriel, to the city. To his parents. Magic of a caliber that Lucio was asking him to perform was dangerous, easy to go awry. It wouldn't take much to make sure it _did_ go awry. 

He fought to keep his hands still as he replied, "If you're willing to pay the price the Devil would ask of you, who am I to stop you? But you should know this is going to be dangerous."

"I don't care." Lucio's eyes burned into him. "I'm not living the rest of my life in this weak shell. I want a new body, Asra, and you're going to help me get it. If you try to run this time, I _will_ have you dragged back here in chains and you will _never_ see the light of day again. Am I clear?"

"I'm not going to run," he said, as evenly as he could manage. Maybe this would be a blessing in disguise. He'd made no progress with his attempts to bring Thomas back through ordinary means. This would just spur him to contact the Devil sooner. Still, if he didn't have to deal with the Devil... he still had to try. "Let me try to do this my way," Asra said finally. "If we don't have to get the Arcana involved, I'd rather not."

Lucio's eyes widened. "You can do that?"

"I don't know, but it's worth a shot. I'll need resources, though."

Lucio grinned. The thought of getting a new body without giving anything up was appealing to him, it seemed. "Take whatever you need. But Asra- I expect results. If you fail, we do it _my_ way."

"Of course." Asra nodded, not quite meeting Lucio's gaze. "Let me get back to my research now. Whichever path we chose to take, I need to know what I'm doing before I do it. Messing something of this caliber up would have... dire consequences."

"You're just going to have to not mess up." Lucio dismissed him with a gesture, and Asra ducked out of the room, exhaling sharply.

Nadia was waiting for him in the hallway. She looked concerned. "Everything alright?"

He gave her a charming smile. He had his excuse to focus on bringing Thomas back now. "Perfect. Lucio and I had a nice chat."

"I don't like that."

Asra bit back a chuckle. "It's alright, Nadi. He's... well... asking a _lot_ from me. It'll be dangerous. But I think I can do it."

Nadia stopped walking, putting a hand on his arm and looking into his eyes. "What did he ask you to do?" she whispered, fear in her eyes.

He swallowed hard. He didn't like distressing her. "He's asked me to get a new body for him. He thinks that even if he's cured of the plague, it's done enough damage to his body that he doesn't want it anymore." Nadia went pale as he spoke, and he added quickly, his voice low, "I'm... I'm already performing experiments to do something similar. I... there's no reason I can't help him while I do this."

Her eyes widened. "You're performing experiments to get a new body? Why-" Asra abruptly broke their gaze, and she exhaled sharply. "Thomas." When he said nothing in response, she put her hands on either side of his face, forcing him to look at her. "Asra, listen to me, please," she murmured, her voice intense. "You can't defy death. He's gone. All this is going to do it backfire in your face and hurt you more. You _need to_ let go. Stop this before it goes too far."

Asra met her gaze evenly. "I'm prepared to deal with any backfire," he said softly. "I've already failed a couple of times. But if I can give Lucio a new body, I can give _Thomas_ a new body. I have to do this."

Nadia shook her head, and embraced him, hard, burying her face in his shoulder. He felt her trembling; was she crying? "Nadi?" he whispered, putting a hand on her back.

"We all feel his loss," she whispered back. "I know you feel it most intensely of us all, but don't do anything to deprive us of you, too. Please."

He put his arms around her, squeezing tightly. "I don't plan on getting myself killed," he said soothingly. "You don't have to worry about me. I'll make sure I know what I'm doing before I do it."

"I will worry regardless." She pulled away from him, wiping her eyes. "Does Lucio know about this?"

"No, and neither does Julian, and I want this to stay between us. Please."

"My lips are sealed." She smiled up at him. her eyes overbright with her tears. "I won't violate your confidence, Asra. In anything. If you need to talk about _anything_..."

"I know where to find you. Thank you." He kissed her gently on the cheek, and the two of them began heading back to the library, Asra's mind in turmoil. He had no intention of helping Lucio get a new body. The only question in his mind was how to stop it, without sabotaging his own efforts, as well.


	4. Chapter 4

Asra did most of his experimentation at the shop. He showed up at the palace because Julian seemed to want to be around him, but he rarely did anything but nap and daydream. He laid under the willow tree by the fountain now, exhausted. In a fit of grief, he had gouged Thomas's name into the trunk of the tree, fighting tears the whole time. It wasn't _fair_. Thomas had been powerful, surely he should have been able to avoid getting infected!

  
Obviously not. 

Once the name was carved into the tree, Asra collapsed, crying fitfully. The tears had long subsided, and now he dozed. A feeling of deep concern swept over him, and he roused himself enough to see Faust sliding up to him. He sat up and scooped Faust up into his arms, relishing the comfort having her near gave him. "Where have you been all day, hm?" he murmured, stroking her head. "Not squeezing certain doctors...?"

Faust's tongue flicked out at him playfully. _Fun!_

"Ah, well. I suppose I can't blame you for that, Faust." Asra smiled as he imagined the last time Faust had squeezed Julian. The doctor swore vehemently that she was trying to kill him. "He doesn't make it hard." His smile soured as he thought about how Julian wasn't leaving him alone, wasn't letting him _grieve_. The flirting was beginning to get unbearable. He was close to being willing to do anything to make him stop. "Then again, he certainly isn't making it easy, either," he muttered, more to himself than to Faust. "Don't have too much fun with him, alright? He'll start to think you like him."

Faust held her silence, and Asra sighed, continuing to stroke her head. "Ilya's started to think _I_ like him." He was talking more to himself than to the familiar, trying to work out his feelings about this. Part of why he wanted Julian to stop flirting was so that he didn't have to face the growing curiosity and conflict inside of himself. "But you and I know who my heart belongs with." His gaze got distant as Faust listened intently. Her concern still washed over him. He wished he could ease her mind... "There's someone else on my mind. His name keeps falling from my lips like a spell... and every day spent away from him makes the longing worse. To not hear his voice calling my name..."

He closed his eyes, imagining Thomas's voice in his mind. His heart constricted painfully; the tears threatened to return. He felt Faust's mind touch his, in sympathy. "You miss him too, don't you?" he murmured to the snake. "Or at least his expert chin scritches."

Asra wasn't sure that Faust quite understood the concept of death. Then again, he hadn't actually told Faust that Thomas was dead. He hadn't been able to say those words at all. His voice caught in his throat everytime he tried. _Where?_ Faust asked, tongue flicking. She missed him.

Again, he tried to say it. Again, he couldn't bring himself to. "To a place I can't follow, yet," he answered. "Don't worry, Faust. We're getting close."

A voice from the palace window interrupted them. Asra cringed as Julian called his name. "Ugh..." Regardless, he turned to face the newcomer. 

Julian hung out the window, grinning charmingly. "Taking another nap, hm?" he teased. "While you were away dreaming under your beloved tree, I made a breakthrough. If you don't hurry up here, I'm going to cure the whole city without you."

"I highly doubt that," Asra called back. This wasn't the first time Julian thought he had a solution, and Asra was certain that he didn't have one now. "Let's go, Faust." He let Julian call after him as he turned and walked away, heading into the hedge maze. If Julian wouldn't leave him alone by the tree, he'd go elsewhere.

He was close to his own breakthrough. He had painstakingly drawn out a magic circle on the backroom table, and he had a spell from one of his books that seemed promising. It was a healing spell, a powerful one, one that could bring someone back from the brink of death. He'd never tried to use such powerful magic before, and it wasn't _quite_ what he was looking for, but he was certain he could alter it, just _so_ , and he'd have an entirely new spell, one that would bring Thomas back to him. It would work. It _had to_ work. 

Asra took a deep breath at his next thought. It would work, or he would contact the Devil. He couldn't wait any longer. Every day without Thomas was torture, and he couldn't endure it much longer. 

A small voice in the back of his mind whispered that he didn't have to be alone. He wasn't coping well at all with the painful loneliness, and he had someone right there who was practically falling over himself to be with him. Julian knew damn well that he was still in love with Thomas, and he was pursuing Asra anyway. Julian knew what he would be getting into- wouldn't he? Just to be sure, Asra could make it clear that this was just to ease the lonliness a bit, that it meant nothing...

He bit his lip hard, shaking his head. Faust sent him a wordless question, and Asra sighed. "Don't worry about it," he said to her softly, scratching beneath her chin. "I've just got a lot on my mind."

_Talk?_

"Talking about it won't help. But thanks anyway." He didn't want to admit to Faust, for all her innocence, that he was seriously considering using someone else's feelings for him, that he didn't return, to stave off his own emotions. 

She was having none of it. _Talk._ It was an order this time. He glanced down at her, bemused. It was rare that she took that kind of tone with him; she must've been really concerned. He considered ignoring her, but he could _never_ ignore Faust. "Ilya," he said, his voice hushed, as if someone would hear him. "You've spent some time around him. What- does he say anything about me?"

_Sad. Worried. Scared._

"Scared?" He looked down at her, eyes wide. "Why would he be scared?"

A vague sense of fear settled over him, but it was too complex a concept for Faust to explain with their limited communication. Asra suppressed frustration. For all he was torn about Julian, he didn't want Julian to worry so much about him. He was fine.

_No._

Faust must've gotten the picture from his feelings. "What?" he asked her.

_Not fine._ She wrapped around his arm, squeezing lightly. He felt her concern as she said, _Worried_. _So sad..._

He sighed heavily. "I am sad," he admitted. "I hate feeling like this. But it's not going to last forever, I promise. I'm so close..." Faust sent another wave of emotion, this time questioning him about Julian. He smiled bitterly. "Ilya is a problem, isn't he? I don't know what I'm going to do about him."

_Regret._

"I'm not going to do anything I'm going to regret." And then he winced. Did he just lie to his familiar? "At least, I don't think I'm going to do something I’ll regret. He's making it hard not to." Faust squeezed his arm again, her concern washing over him like an ocean wave. She was really worried. "Please don't worry about me," he implored her. "I know what I'm doing." 

Well... that was a lie, too. But it was one he wanted to believe himself, so he let it go. "Let's go see what Ilya's up to. It's getting late, and I'm getting tired. Crying so hard wore me out."

Asra changed course and retraced his steps out of the hedge maze. By the time he got back to the fountain, Julian wasn't at the window anymore; of course not. He'd gone back into the library, probably to work on his breakthrough. Asra made his way through the palace to the library, opening the door softly and slipping inside.

Julian barely looked up. He looked crestfallen. "Not the breakthrough you thought it was, huh?" Asra murmured in sympathy.

Julian shook his head. "No. I've never been so frustrated in my life. This shouldn't be so hard."

"Don't beat yourself up. Curing a plague is a tall order."

At that, Julian glanced at him. "Every day that we don't have this cure, more people die," he said seriously, sitting back in his chair. "Every person who dies is a failure on _my_ account."

Asra crossed the library, going to him and taking his hands in his. "This isn't _your_ failure," he replied softly. "You're doing your best. It's not your fault that this thing is so hard to cure. If it was easy to deal with we wouldn't be in this position at all."

Julian smiled sadly, fingers tightening over Asra's. "Thank you for the sentiment, but... but I can't continue to let people die. I _have to_ find this cure." He looked up at Asra hopefully. "You didn't happen to have any insights while you were out there daydreaming, did you?"

"Unfortunately not." Asra pulled away and went to a stack of books. His heart hurt for Julian. This was really tearing him up. It seemed that Asra wasn't the only one in need of human comfort. That just made things harder for him. He hadn't researched the illness in weeks; it wouldn't do any good, but he would help Julian out now. He chose a book from the stack and went to his nest, kicking off his shoes and getting comfortable. Julian watched him with an inscrutable expression, and turned his attention back to his own work.

He read quietly. The text was interesting, but pretty worthless. He was about to set the book aside and announce that he was too tired to continue- he wanted to get back to the shop and do an experiment with his ritual- when Julian started muttering to himself. "Hrmmm. No, that's not quite right, is it? There must be something I'm missing... Asra?"

Asra looked up, hearing his name. Julian wasn't even looking at him. He turned his gaze back to his book. "Mhm?"

"What do you think? If I try to mix the venom with this solution here, is it worth a shot?" Then he winced. "No... no, that will make poisonous vapors. Damn. Something else then, there has to be..." Julian bent over his book, scribbling in the margin, then sighed and leaned back in his chair. "I think I've got something. Come look at this, would you? I'm close, I can feel it. I could use your eyes."

Asra sighed and rose to his feet, stretching languidly as he did so. He didn't know what Julian thought he'd be able to offer, but he went anyway. "Alright, alright, I'm here-" His eyes darted over the diagram in the margins. He had not even the first clue what that was, but he couldn’t resist the opportunity to tease Julian. It was too perfect. “Hmm, what’s that?” He leaned over the desk, coyly brushing against Julian as he did so. An immediate pang of guilt coursed through him for it as Julian stiffened at the touch. 

It flustered Julian. “Oh, I, uh- erm...” He cleared his throat uncomfortably. “Ahem. Here, just so. Look at this diagram.” He pointed to the contraption he’d doodled. “What do you think, will it work?”

Asra still had no clue what he was looking at. “Ilya, if you wanted to show me your fantasies, you didn’t have to hide behind pretense.”

A hot blush spread across the doctor’s face. “W-what? No, that’s not what I- it’s a medical illustration!”

Asra suppressed the urge to laugh and decided to let up on him. That was too easy. He leaned closer, examining it. It looked like a bag of something, colored in red ink, connected to a person’s arm. Was that meant to be blood? “Hmm, so it is,” he murmured, baffled. “Blood ritual?” Why would Julian be interested in blood rituals?

The question seemed to take Julian by surprise. “Er, well, no. Not exactly. It’s a transfusion, see?” He pointed at the line between the red blob and the person. “You use this apparatus here-“ He squinted at it, his mind turning. “Of course, there’s no telling if it would work. Or how safe it is...” He sighed. “Or if it’s even possible...” Asra watched his face curiously as he thought about it. _“Damn,”_ he muttered finally, seeming to answer his own question. “No, that won’t work, then. What about bile?”

Asra pulled away. His presence obviously wasn’t needed after all. “Mmmmhmmm...” he murmured, going to get his shoes.

Julian seemed to disagree. “You- where are you going? There’s more work to do, you know. You can’t expect to cure the plague through napping.”

For once, Julian sounded irritated with him. It was an interesting role reversal. “It’s not all napping,” Asra replied, unable to keep a sarcastic lilt out of his voice. “Sometimes, I daydream instead.” He pulled on his shoes as he spoke, and stood again, gathering his bag. “I’m tired, Ilya. I need to get back to the shop before it gets dark. Besides, I don’t want to get in your way.”

Julian stood. “I’ll walk you home, then.”

They were going to have this conversation again? Asra hid his desperation. With the way he felt today, Julian wouldn’t have to apply much pressure at all to break him. He couldn’t let him do this. “What, and interrupt your very important studies? I’ll be fine on my own, really.”

Julian made a face at that, one that surprised Asra. He was so serious, it was uncharacteristic. “If you keep slacking off like this, Asra, I- I won’t be able to protect you.”

Was this what Faust was talking about when she said Julian was scared? Asra didn’t have time to consider it before Julian stepped forward, grabbing Asra’s wrist. Asra tensed at the sudden touch. Julian didn’t seem to notice as Asra’s eyes narrowed as he took both of Asra’s hands in his own. Julian was standing so close to him now, and every nerve in Asra’s body was screaming at him to back away. Julian sighed in the silence as Asra fought with himself. “The count wants his cure,” Julian said softly. “He’ll die without it, and I’m worried he’ll take you with him.” This must’ve been what Faust was talking about. Lucio must have said something to Julian about Asra’s apparent lack of effort. “I don’t want you to die, Asra. Not if there’s something we can do to stop it. Together.”

Julian was so, so close to him; Asra's heart was racing. The impulse to lean up and kiss him was startling, and one that he wanted to shut down before it led to anything. He did want to keep his promise to Faust that he wouldn't do something he'd regret, and he would certainly regret kissing Julian. He pulled his hands away, saying firmly, "Goodnight, Ilya." Without giving Julian a chance to do or say anything else, he ducked out of the library and made his way out of the palace. He had the most horrible sinking feeling; did he regret _not_ kissing him?

What the hell was happening to him?

Much to his relief, he didn't cross paths with Nadia as he fled the palace grounds. The walk back to the shop was refreshing, and he took a deep breath, willing his mind to slow down. That was close. Why was he doing this to himself? He was still very much in love with Thomas. He was holding onto that for dear life. So why was he so drawn to Julian? What was going on?

He forced himself to think about something else. The ritual. He would attempt to bring Thomas back tonight. If Thomas was back, that solved this problem with Julian, and solved it in such a way that Julian couldn't ignore. It would work. It had to work.

Asra released the protections on the door and unlocked it, then dropped his bag and keys on the counter and went right to the backroom, single-minded in his intentions, and got to work. He picked up the book he had been reading and flipped to the page that described the ritual, reading it over again, making sure to commit it to memory. He didn't want to have to stop to check it once he started. Once he was sure he would remember every step, he set the book down and began to cast the spell.

The atmosphere in the shop became oppressive, and violet mist began to rise from the magical mandala he'd drawn on the backroom table. His magic coursed through him, building, growing, and he laughed in elation. It was working. It was really working! 

He picked up a ceremonial dagger he had blessed, and set the edge against his palm. He needed blood for this next step. Just as he was about to draw the dagger across his hand, the sound of the shop door opening halted him, and he froze, eyes wide. He had forgotten to lock the door behind him!

Asra set the dagger down and went out into the shop proper, mind reeling. What was he going to tell a customer about- his shoulders almost slumped in relief. It was just Julian, looking around with wide eyes. "Oh, Ilya. Hmm, what are you doing here? I said I was fine walking home on my own."

"Asra!" Julian exclaimed. "Are you-"

The mist had turned to thick, magical smoke, and the magic in the air beat down on him. Asra watched in morbid interest as Julian grabbed the counter for support. "Are you fooling around with that hocus pocus of yours?" Julian coughed. "The count wants results, not magic tricks-" The pressure from the magic was too much for him. His knees buckled and he went down onto them, hands shaking. "What _is_ this?" he asked, fear in his voice. "What- what are you doing?"

"Can't you tell?" Asra's voice was lightly mocking. Julian had interrupted his ritual and now he wasn't sure it was going to work. He was so angry, so _frustrated_. Now he was following him home like a lost puppy. It was obvious that Julian wasn't going to leave him alone. He had to do something about it. But this was amusing, in a way. He didn't feel the oppression in the air as acutely as Julian was. Was it just because Julian wasn't accustomed to this kind of magic? On impulse, Asra reached out and slid his hand through Julian's hair, then grabbed gently and pulled his head back to meet his eyes. "Just a magic trick," he said, his voice lightly taunting. He had enough of this game. Julian wanted him? Wasn't going to take no for an answer?

Well, then, he was going to get him. He was asking desperately for it, after all.

Julian shivered and made a strange noise from the back of his throat. "S-something from one of those ridiculous tomes?"

"Something from one of those ridiculous tomes." Asra smiled. "If you'd like to help, I"m sure I could find a use for you." Asra reached down and took Julian's chin in his hand, turning his head, examining his face. Watching. Wondering if Julian was going to bail on this ridiculous game he'd started. 

Julian swallowed hard. "I- Will this help? If I do this with you, will it... will it change anything?"

Asra considered him for a moment. He expected Julian to get up and flee. Instead, he offered to help. He could see the fear on Julian's face, but also- trust? The maelstrom of emotions in his chest continued raging at that. He turned away, going back to his ritual, wondering if Julian would really follow him. "I hope so," he said, the first genuine words from his lips since Julian had showed up.

He could hear Julian scrambling to his feet and his footsteps hastily following him to the backroom. "Er- coming, I'm coming!"

Asra stood on one side of the table, gesturing to the circle. It was glowing softly, still alight with Asra's magic. He considered his next words carefully. He wanted Julian to be absolutely sure he wanted to stay. This was his last ditch attempt to scare him off. "Blood. Bone. Sweat and tears." His voice was soft. "All sorts of things make powerful catalysts for these spells. I wonder... how much are you willing to give up, Ilya?"

It was a challenge. Julian stared at him, tongue-tied. "I- uhm, well, that is to say- you know-" Julian swallowed hard, biting his lip, his expression surprisingly eager. That look of trust remained; Julian's fear seemed to be swallowed up in his eagerness to be of help to Asra. "I'll give you all of me, if that's what it takes," he said earnestly.

His words surprised Asra. He was done for. "All of you? Oh, Ilya..." He wondered if he was interpreting that the way Julian meant it. "For now," he said, holding out his hand, "I just need your hand."

Julian didn't hesitate a moment, holding out his hand so fast he nearly knocked over a bottle sitting nearby. Asra traced Julian's lifeline on his palm, his touch lingering, before picking up the ceremonial dagger and sliding the edge across Julian's palm. Julian stared, wincing in pain, as Asra squeezed his hand over the emblem. The circle flared brightly for a moment as Julian's blood dropped onto the table, and faded away, back down to a glow, just as fast. Asra didn't let go of his hand. "Is, er, is that it...?" Julian asked, his voice tight with pain and something else Asra just barely caressing the edge of Asra's awareness.

Asra laughed softly in surprise at Julian's question. "Did you want me to hurt you more?" he asked, eyebrows raised. Julian just stared at him; the tension between them was thick at the loaded question. Asra let it linger for a moment before saying, "That's all I need from you, Ilya."

He expected Julian to say goodnight. He _hoped_ Julian would say goodnight, and leave. That trust, the willingness to help Asra when he didn't have a clue what was going on... it was a kind of devotion he'd only ever seen from Thomas. Thomas and Julian were two very different people, but in that moment...

Julian didn't leave. "Now hold on," Julian said, seeming to come to his senses. "I- What kinf of magic are you getting yourself into, Asra? What did that do?"

Asra shrugged. "I'm not sure," he answered honestly. "I won't know until it happens. Perhaps nothing, perhaps..." His voice trailed off. Guilt pierced the haze of desire and spite. Yes. He was attempting to bring his lover back to life, and he was seriously considering letting Julian stay?

"Are you putting yourself in dange-" 

Julian's words cut off in a gasp as Asra, desperate to get him to stop, lifted Julian's injured hand to his lips, running his tongue along the cut as he looked into his eyes. He wanted to do this. He didn't want to be alone anymore. "You're talking too much, Ilya," he whispered.

"Th-then just tell me what to do instead." Julian's voice was soft and strained. 

"... you'd like that, wouldn't you?" Asra came around the table and pushed Julian against the wall, his heart pounding. 

"Y-you-" Julian stuttered. "Oh my god, yes, I'll do anything you want, anything at all, whatever you need-"

"You know I can't give you everything you want, Ilya." Asra kept his eyes on Julian's, begging him to leave- begging him to stay. He was so confused. He knew this wasn't okay. He knew that Julian was going to get hurt. And he cared about that, more than he wanted to care about it, but not enough to stop this. Not anymore. Julian had pushed him too far by ignoring his wishes and coming to the shop.

Julian went to his knees, his eyes shining, staring up at Asra with the full force of the desire he had been tempering. "I'll take what I can get," he replied fervently, his face rapturous.

Asra laughed, sliding his hand into Julian's hair again, pulled back roughly, and leaned down, pressing his lips to Julian's. Julian surged forward, hands going to Asra's face, tangling in his hair, kissing back like he was a man dying of thirst and Asra was the only water left on the planet. Asra's mind was just clear enough to realize that he didn't want Julian to do that, and pulled away. "Wait," he said, breathless from the kiss. Julian looked like he was going to cry at the separation. "I should heal your hand."

"Leave it," Julian demanded in a rough voice, and pulled him back down to him. 

Asra kissed back frantically, but managed to force himself to pull away again. "You're bleeding all over me. We _need_ to heal your hand."

Julian made a frustrated noise, but let Asra pull his injured hand away from his face and cradle it in his hands. Asra's fingers brushed over the cut, making Julian shiver. He didn't have much left after the failed ritual, but he let his magic pool into the wound, sealing it shut. That done, Asra leaned down and kissed him again, but only for a moment. "This is a really, _really_ bad idea," he murmured against Julian's lips.

  
"I don't care," Julian replied. "I _want_ you." 

With that, he pressed their lips together again, and Asra pulled him to his feet. "Not here," he said roughly, taking Julian by the hand. "Come on." Asra led him up the stairs to the living area, his mind in turmoil. He turned to Julian to make one last attempt to convince him to leave, but the words wouldn't come out of his mouth. Instead, he threw his arms around Julian and leaned up to kiss him. Julian's arms wrapped around him, crushing Asra against his body.

Down in the back room, the magic circle's glow died out, forgotten.


	5. Chapter 5

Sunlight filtered through the window, playing across Asra's face, waking him from slumber. He froze when he felt another body next to him, hope rising in him. Then, just as he was about to look, the previous night came back to him, and he turned his head to look at the person sleeping beside him. Julian.

Oh.

Well, he thought bitterly, at least he had fun last night. 

Asra rose carefully to avoid disturbing Julian, dressing silently. He wanted to check on the ritual. He was certain it had failed; he had been certain it failed when the magic circle flared and then died down. Still... if he could recover anything from it...

He went right to the backroom, his gaze falling on the ritual. There was no magic left there. Despite his sureity that it had failed, his shoulders slumped in defeat. He was so tired, so sick of this... The thought to abandon his plans flitted through his mind, and then out of it. Even if he wanted to let Thomas go, and he didn't- he still had to tell Lucio that they needed to bargain with the Devil for Lucio's new body. Julian had implied that Lucio was getting impatient with him. He had no intention on letting Lucio kill him for failing to produce a new body for him.

But he didn't need to take Lucio to the Devil's realm to bargain. In fact, it would probably be best if he didn't. He didn't want Lucio to know what _he_ was planning. He had no intention of getting a new body for Lucio, either. He just wanted to save Thomas, and then they could flee. They'd never be able to return to Vesuvia again, but surely Thomas would see that they were in danger if they stayed this time. Thomas had already died from the plague once, and Lucio would be furious. But where could they go?

A plan began forming in Asra's mind. He could speak to Nadia. She already knew of his plan to bring Thomas back, and she would help them escape. If they fled to Prakra, maybe Nadia would send word to her family to help them. It was worth a shot.

He heard quiet footsteps behind him, but didn't turn around. Julian's arms went around his shoulders, and they stood there for a number of minutes, just looking at the dark magic circle. "I'm assuming that it didn't work," Julian said quietly. Asra shook his head, and Julian's embrace tightened. "Well, we can try again, can't we? Whatever you were trying to do-"

"No." He took a shuddering breath. "That wasn't my first attempt. It's obviously not going to work. It's time for plan b."

Julian was still for a moment. "What's plan b?"

"It's better for you not to know."

"Please don't put yourself in danger, Asra. I don't want to lose you."

A wry, bitter smile spread over Asra's face. Apparently Julian didn't know that had been a one-night stand. He didn't want to have that conversation, not right now. "I know what I'm doing," he lied, hoping his voice was as soothing as he was trying to make it. The last thing he needed was Julian prying into this plan- or meddling in it. He took a deep breath. "Although I have to talk to Lucio now. Lucky me."

Julian put his hands on Asra's shoulders and turned him so that they were face-to-face. "Do you want me to go with you?" he asked, brushing his thumb over Asra's cheek.

Asra resisted the urge to jerk away from the touch. "No. I can handle him. Although at this point, I'm... not going to be looking for a cure anymore. Lucio wanted something different from me, but agreed to let me try to do things my way first. And... well..." He gestured at the magic circle helplessly.

Julian looked into Asra's eyes, searching. Again, Asra wanted to look away, but he was walking a tightrope now. Last night had been a mistake; now he had to juggle Julian's feelings with his own, and he wasn't sure he could do it. But Julian would absolutely try to stop him if he found out about his plans, and- as he had discovered already- Julian was _persistent_ when he wanted something. If he managed to wear down Asra's resistance to sleeping with him, he would wear down his resistance to telling him about contacting the devil. He had to convince Julian that all would be well. 

Finally, Julian released him with a sigh. "Just... just be careful," he said finally. 

"I will be," Asra said soothingly. "I know what I'm doing."

Julian made a noncommittal noise. After a second, a mischievous grin spread over his face. "Let's not go to the palace today," he said. 

The suggestion made Asra blink in surprise. "Why? What else would we do?"

"Why not go out to the fashion district, look around a bit?" he suggested. "We could-"

"No. I have to talk to Lucio. But I'm not going to stop you if you want to go."

Julian's face fell. "It won't be any fun without you."

"Ilya, if there's one thing I know about you," Asra said, patting his arm, "it's that you know how to have fun. Don't let me stop you. I'll even cover for you."

"You- you will?" Julian's expression brightened slightly, and he ran a hand through his hair. "I need a day off, badly. How about this: you go talk to Lucio, do what you need to do, and I'll meet you for dinner at the Rowdy Raven. Does that work?"

Asra nodded. That was perfect. He could tell Julian- gently- that there would not be a repeat of last night, that he wasn't willing to risk their friendship for sex. Julian would understand that, surely. "I'll see you tonight, then."

He stiffened as Julian bent down and kissed him, gently. "I'll miss you," he said softly.

Not sure what to say to that, Asra gave him a wavering smile and turned away. "I need to get ready to go. Have fun today."

"I'd rather have fun with you, but I'll try. See you tonight."

Asra stood there, waiting, as Julian took his leave. His shoulders slumped again the moment Julian was out the door. This was going to be more difficult than he thought. Julian _definitely_ thought there was a relationship here. Asra had acted rashly last night, spurred by loneliness and _annoyance_ , of all things. Who the hell slept with someone because they were annoyed with them?

Asra did, apparently. He sighed and trudged back up the stairs to wash up and change into clean clothes, his mind in turmoil. He did his best to put Julian out of his mind. Right now, Lucio was the more important thing. He wouldn't take Lucio with him to the Devil's realm; he wanted to have that conversation himself, without Lucio's interference. 

In an hour, he was walking to the town square, where he caught a carriage to the palace. He was running late; hopefully that hadn't been noticed yet. 

But when he got there and got to the library, Nadia was already there. She set aside the book she was reading as Asra came in. "I was beginning to get worried," she said. "It's not like either you or Doctor Devorak to be late."

"We had a... a rough night," Asra explained. "Julian won't be here today." 

Nadia raised her eyebrows. "'We'?"

"I'd really rather not talk about it."

She gave him an inscrutable look. "Very well. I... Lucio wants to speak to you again. He's... unhappy."

Asra nodded. "That works out well. I need to speak to him, as well. Alone."

Nadia's eyes narrowed. "I don't think that's a smart idea, with the mood he's in."

"He's about to get his way. I don't see why he'd do something to risk that when I'm ready to give in."

Her expression darkened. "You're serious about this. You're really going to do what he wants."

Asra glanced around the room. "No," he said in a low voice, eyes narrowed, "but my own experiments have failed. This is the perfect pretense for me to do what _I_ have to do. Tell him he's getting his way, and I can go to the Devil and discuss my plans, and Lucio would be none the wiser. I'm surprised you know about this."

"I am his wife. He tells me things, whether I want him to or not." She closed her eyes. "Asra, listen to me. He's ready to kill you. I don't want you going in there alone. He'll stay his hand if there's a witness, but I can't guarantee your safety if you don't let me come with you."

He met her gaze grimly. "I suppose if he's ready to kill me, it would be a good idea to have someone else watching over my body while I converse with the Devil. Lucio is impulsive enough that he might just slit my throat in the middle of it." He shuddered at the thought, then nodded. "Alright. But make sure you say _nothing_ about my true plans. As far as you're aware, my goal is to get him a new body."

She nodded. "I have no intention of giving you away. Come. He'll already be furious at being kept waiting this long."

Together, they left the library and headed up to Lucio's wing. Nadia put her hand on the doorknob, took a deep breath, and entered, Asra at her heels. Lucio looked up from his bed, his red eyes focusing immediately on Asra. "So you actually did come," he sneered. "What took you so long? Need to work up the courage to face your failures?"

"I had a long night," Asra replied, going to Lucio's bedside. He wouldn't show this man any fear. 

Before he could continue, Lucio grinned. "And what were you doing?" he coughed.

Asra gritted his teeth. He wanted to tell him it was none of his business, but Lucio wouldn't accept that as readily as Nadia did. "I was with Ilya all night. And you're-"

"Oh! Finally gave in, did you? You sly-"

"Lucio, _please_ ," Asra said, tiredness and heartache making him short. "As I was saying, you're right. I _have_ failed. I made my last attempt last night. I can't do it alone; we need the Devil's assistance. I can contact him right now."

Lucio's eyes glittered with something that made Asra suppress a shudder. "Do it," he said in a hiss. "And if you fail me again..."

"Lucio," Nadia said in a low, threatening voice. Lucio's eyes met her's and locked in a contest of wills.

Lucio looked away first. "Well? What are you waiting for, an invitation? Do it."

Asra nodded, seating himself on the floor and pulling out his tarot deck. He shuffled through the cards to find the Devil, and placed it on top. "I'm going to lose consciousness while I'm in the magical realms," he told them. "Don't disturb me unless something dire is happening."

"Yes, yes, get on with it!"

Nadia said Lucio's name threateningly again, and Asra hid a smile and focused on the card in front of him, breathing deeply. He closed his eyes and felt the world falling away from him. When he opened them again, he was standing before a dais, a stone throne situated on it. And sitting on the throne was a goat, looking down at him with interested eyes. "Interesting," the goat said, smiling. "I know you. But why in the world would you contact _me_? What can I possibly do for you?"

Asra had the feeling he was being mocked. He knew better than to rise to the bait, though. "I need your help."

"I imagine you wouldn't be here if you didn't." He stroked his chin. "What can I do for you?"

Asra took a deep breath. "I need a new body."

"What's wrong with the one you have?"

"Not for me." He closed his eyes, gathering up his courage. He was going to stab Lucio in the back, and the thought was more frightening than he wanted to admit. "For my lover who... who died of the plague."

The Devil leaned forward, and Asra felt the Devil's magic wash over him. The Devil frowned. "You're not telling me the whole story."

"Count Lucio is dying of the plague. He thinks I'm here to ask for a new body for _him_."

"I see." The Devil leaned back in his throne. "Such a request will be costly- and you can only fulfil one. Attempting to give both of them new bodies will kill you."

Asra swallowed hard. "I don't want to do this for Lucio. Only Thomas."

"I think we can come to an agreeable arrangement." The Devil grinned. "It won't be an easy task, even for me. There must be a ritual- a rather complex one. And you must be willing to give up, say... half of your heart." Asra paled, and the Devil clucked his tongue. "This kind of magic is not cheap, my friend."

"No, I- I know that. What exactly will happen if I do this?" 

The Devil shrugged. "Thomas needs a heart to live, does he not? You will be giving part of your life to give him new. That _is_ something you're willing to do for him, is it not?"

It took Asra less than a thought to answer. “Yes,” he said in a low, firm voice. “I’d... I’d give all of me to get him back.”

The Devil grinned. “We don’t need all of you to bring back one- but we do to bring back both.”

“I have no intention on giving up anything to help Lucio.”

“Treacherous, are we?” Asra opened his mouth to argue, and the Devil wagged a finger at him. “You are here to negotiate a new body for Lucio, are you not?”

Asra swallowed hard. “Yes, I am. But that’s not what I need from you. I can handle Lucio. I just need to get a new body for Thomas, and we can leave. We can evade a Lucio’s soldiers. I know we can.”

“If you’re sure about this.” The Devil stroked his chin again. “But I can’t just grant a new body. There’s a process to these things.”

“Tell me.”

The Devil lifted a claw, and an image shimmered before Asra. A long table, laden with delectable food, with twenty-two places set. As Asra examines the image, the Devil explained, “One place for every Arcana. Put the blood of the one you want to give a new body to into the wine, drink it, and it will be done. But you don’t have Thomas’s blood, do you?” Again, he stroked his chin. “Your blood might suffice. But I will warn you now: Lucio is crafty, smarter than you give him credit for. He will likely see through any lies you tell about this process.”

“So I need to tell him the truth and sabotage it,” Asra murmured. He looked up at the Devil. “What happens if a component of this ritual isn’t there?”

“Such as?”

“The people, for instance.”

“If the people aren’t there, it will go awry. You must make sure that all of the representatives of the Major Arcana are there.”

Asra nodded firmly. “I can- I can do this. He’ll probably put me in charge of getting his blood into the wine. I can just swap his blood for mine.” Asra’s shoulders slumped in relief. “I can do this. Thank you.”

The Devil grinned. “No, dear Asra, thank you. I think you better get back to the count. He’s beginning to get impatient. Remember the plan.”

“I will.” Asra closed his eyes, breathing deeply, and the world fell away from him again. He felt a great rush of magic, as if he were falling through water, and then he was back in his body. He took a deep breath and opened his eyes, looking directly into Nadia’s concerned ones. “Are you alright?” she asked him. “You were gone for a while.”

Asra nodded. “I know how to get Lucio a new body.” Lucio’s eyes glinted with interest and hope as Asra described what the Devil told him. 

Lucio listened with rapt attention. “Noddy, my love,” Lucio said, grinning. “I’ve changed my mind. We’ll have the masquerade this year after all. We can invite the people who we need for this ritual.”

“Do we even know who they are?” Nadia asked. 

Lucio set Asra with a look. “Well?”

“They must be people with strong connections to the Arcana,” Asra replied. “We can’t just invite anyone and expect it to work.”

“Then you need to tell us who to invite.” Lucio coughed the words.

Asra felt himself go pale. “How exactly to you expect me to do that?” he demanded. “I don’t actually know many people, Lucio.”

“Start with who you know. Hold auditions. I don’t care how you do it, Asra, just _do it.”_ Lucio dissolved in a fit of coughs that left him hunched over himself, gasping for breath. “Where’s Jules?”

“He stayed home for the day. Said he needed the day off.”

Lucio barked out a laugh. “Couldn’t keep up with you, eh? It’s always the quiet ones.” Asra’s face flushed in embarrassment and anger, but before he could protest that what they did last night was none of his business, Lucio waved a hand dismissively. “Go start finding my ritual guests. You have three weeks.”

Asra got to his feet, forcing an aura of calm. He wouldn’t let Lucio get a rise out of him. “As you wish,” he murmured, and fled the room. 


	6. Chapter 6

Asra wandered through the streets of Vesuvia, idly hoping that Julian had a better day than he did. On one hand, he now knew that it was possible to bring Thomas back, and had a powerful ally behind him to accomplish it. 

On the other, he now had the gargantuan task of figuring out who could take the place of each of the Arcana at the ritual. But he could do that. He would find a way. He just had to think about it a little bit. 

But he couldn’t think about it with this situation with Julian hanging over his head. If he knew anything about Julian, it was that he didn’t make anything easy. Asra hoped to let him down gently, but he had the distinct feeling that wasn’t going to happen. He had been annoyed when he gave in last night. That didn’t mean he wanted to hurt him. 

His body tensed as he approached the Rowdy Raven. Faust gave his shoulders a questioning squeeze. “I’m alright,” he told her softly. “Go on home, back to the shop. I’ll meet you there.”

He felt her reluctance to obey, but obey she did. He waited until she was out of sight before taking a deep breath, and entering the bar. 

His eyes adjusted quickly to the dim light as he scanned the crowd, looking for Julian. He saw him sitting in a booth, chin resting on interlaced fingers, looking dreadfully serious. Asra called out to him, just loudly enough to be heard over the din of the other customers. Julian looked up as Asra approached, his face lighting up briefly before falling again. He got up and embraced Asra, kissing him on the cheek. “I’m glad you’re here,” Julian said. “We need to talk.”

“We actually agree on something,” Asra said wryly, taking the seat across from him. “You go first. What I have to say can wait.”

Julian looked torn for a second, as if it physically pained him to speak. “Asra, I... I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”

Asra blinked. That certainly simplified matters, but... “Why not?”

The pain in Julian’s voice almost made Asra wince. “I’m... I’m not good for you. I’m not good for _anyone,_ least of all you. I’m just- going to hurt you. It’s inevitable.”

“Ilya...” Julian wasn’t exaggerating. Asra could just feel that he truly felt this way. He reached across the table to grasp one of Julian’s hands. “You’re not going to hurt me,” he said softly. “I’d like to think I’m not that fragile.”

“You don’t understand. It always happens. Every time I get close to someone, the worst possible scenario always, _always_ happens. Something terrible will happen to one or both of us if we continue on like this. I’m sorry for this, Asra, but I just... I don’t want to hurt you anymore than I already have “

Asra almost laughed. “You haven’t hurt me, Ilya. If anyone is going to end up hurting someone, it’s me. Listen... last night was an impulsive mistake. We’re looking for very different things, and-“

“And I told you that I’ll take what I can get,” Julian cut him off. “I know what I’m getting into.”

“I’m really not sure you do,” Asra murmured. “Ilya, I...” He didn’t want to tell Julian about his plans. He was sure he’d get wind of what Lucio thought he was going to do, but the longer Julian went in the dark, the better. That kind of magic would freak him out horribly. It was bad enough that Asra thought Julian would need to participate in the ritual.

Julian was waiting patiently for him to continue. “I’m not over Thomas,” Asra said in a low voice. “I’m never going to be over Thomas. I am never going to be able to give you everything you deserve.”

“I can cope with that,” Julian said immediately. “That works out well, actually. If you’re never invested in it, I can never hurt you.”

Asra shook his head. This isn’t how this conversation was supposed to go. “Ilya, I know you would never hurt me. Stop saying that.”

“It’s a moot point, isn’t it?” Julian couldn’t keep a bitter note from his voice. “It means nothing to you.”

“That... that isn’t true. I...” What did it mean to him? He felt something, but what? “I can’t explain it. And you still deserve better than me.”

“I don’t want better than you. I want you, Asra. I told you last night, I’ll take what you can give me.”

That sounded suspiciously like an emotion Asra didn’t want to take advantage of. But he was lonely, and he had laid it out for Julian. There was no way Julian could say he didn’t see it coming when he set his plans into motion. “Alright,” he said, swallowing hard. “If you’re absolutely sure this is what you’re willing to accept...”

Julian responder by leaning over the table, taking Asra’s face in his hands and kissing him fiercely. Asra buried his fingers in Julian’s hair and deepened the kiss, his heart pounding, guilt searing through him. Everything he was screamed at him that this was wrong. He buried that voice, put all of his willpower into silencing it. Thomas wasn’t there. He wasn’t betraying him.

He _wasn’t._

When they pulled away, Julian’s eyes shone. “Do you want to go someplace more private to... talk?”

“As long as talking is all that happens,” Asra replied softly. “I’m not entirely comfortable with this yet.”

“Of course.” Julian’s smile promised more than talking, and Asra found that he didn’t mind. “We’ll talk as long as you need.”

* * *

Asra found himself spending the night at the palace often, and they made no effort to hide their relationship, much to Lucio’s condescending delight. Asra quickly learned to ignore Lucio’s needling and invasive questions. Once when Lucio got particularly vulgar with him, Asra looked up from his task, not intending to let Lucio get away with it. “Why?” Asra challenged quietly, venomously. “ _Jealous?_ ”

“Of who? You? Don’t be-“

“No. Of him.”

Lucio’s lip curled in derision. “My, you think highly of yourself.”

“You never needle him like this about it.” Asra shrugged and turned his attention back to his cards. “If you’re done prying into my personal life, I have work to do. For you. I suggest you let me do it.”

Lucio sneered, “Speaking of that, you have a week left. Have you made any progress at all?” 

He had just gotten a solid answer from The Hanged Man. He winced. He had been right about Julian. He needed to tell him as quickly as possible that he was needed for the ritual. Give him time to get used to the idea. To answer Lucio, he said, “I’ve been giving Nadia names of people to make sure are invited. I can’t guarantee that they’ll come. And if they don't, we need to not do it."

"We're doing it." Lucio's tone left no room for argument. “You’ll find a way to make it work, or may the gods help you, Asra.”

“I can’t do the impossible,” Asra snapped back, gathering up his cards. “I’ve almost got a full guest list but I need to focus to get the rest and threatening me is just going to break my concentration. Stop it. If you’ll excuse me, I need to talk to Ilya.”

“Going to go crying to your boyfriend now?”

“No, I’m going to tell him that he needs to be part of a magical ritual.”

Lucio’s eyes widened, and he gave a barking laugh. “Jules, agree to this? Good luck.”

“He trusts me,” Asra said reassuringly. “He knows I’ll protect him if things go awry.”

“He trusts you, huh? I might have to reconsider his post. That’s a rather appalling lack of judgement.”

Asra wasn’t interested in Lucio’s baiting. “Why wouldn’t he? You seem to.”

“Oh, I promise you I don’t. That’s why you have only one shot at this. If you don’t perform, I’ll find another magician that will. I would say that you won’t like what I do to you, but you won’t be around very long to care.”

Asra’s eyes narrowed. “Lucio, enough,” Nadia snapped. “You’re not going to kill him. Go talk to Doctor Devorak, Asra. I’ll have a talk with my husband- _again._ “

Asra nodded and took his leave of them, exhaling deeply as he went. He knew Lucio’s threats were empty, but that didn’t make them any less stressful.

He found Julian in the library, hard at work. Julian heard him enter and immediately looked up at him. “You were with Lucio for a while,” he said, concerned. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine. He just threatened to kill me again.” Julian’s expression darkened and Asra headed off the words of concern, “It’s all hot air. Even if he really wanted to kill me, Nadia wouldn’t let him.”

“I can hear the tension in your voice. Sit down.”

“Ilya, I’m fine, really-“

“ _Sit._ ” Asra rarely heard Julian use his doctor voice with him, and he wondered what he had done to deserve it as Julian stood and gestures to his seat. Asra obeyed, and as Julian moved to stand behind him, he decided to try again. “Ilya, really, there’s no need to- aah-ah-ah-“

His words cut off in a surprised, pleased noise as Julian put his hands on Asra’s shoulders and began to rub the tight muscles at the base of his neck. All of the tension in his neck and shoulders relaxed as Julian asked, smugly, “What was that you were saying?”

“Are you sure you’re not a magician?” Asra retorted, his voice half a groan. “Because you certainly have magic hands.”

Julian gave a flustered laugh. “Are you flirting with me?”

“I have no idea.” Asra closed his eyes, relishing the massage. “I do need to talk to you.”

Julian’s hands stilled. “It’s never a good thing when you say that.”

“Ilya, I swear on everything I hold holy, I will dump you if you stop.”

It took Julian a second to figure out what exactly Asra was disgruntled about before he resumed the massage. “I’m all ears,” he announced. 

Asra’s head lolled back in relaxation. “I need you for a magic ritual.”

“Pardon?”

Asra could hear the confusion and fear in his voice. “It will be a whole lot of nothing, for you at least. I’ll be doing all the work. I just need you to show up and drink some wine.”

“That’s all?”

“That’s all.”

“Enchanted wine?”

“You could say that, yes.”

Julian found a particularly stubborn knot of muscle in Asra’s shoulder and began working at it. “What exactly is the end goal of this ritual? No, don’t tense up again-! Damnit, Asra!” 

Asra gave a flustered laugh as Julian started working his muscles again. “Sorry, Ilya. I think it’s better that you not know. You trust me, right?”

“I do, but-“

“Trust me now. Nothing bad is going to come of this. But if you know ahead of time, you might-“

Asra but his lip. He shouldn’t have said that. “If I know ahead of time, I might refuse?” Julian’s tone was almost accusatory.

“Yes. It’s better for everyone involved if you just trust me. Ilya... this is what Lucio has been threatening me about. If I don’t pull this off, he wants to kill me. Nadia says she can stay his hand but I don’t know if that’s true.”

Julian’s voice was grim. “I’ll do it, to protect you. Of course I will. But I’d rather know exactly what I’m getting into. I need you to trust me too, Asra.”

He couldn’t tell him the whole story. But what Lucio knew... “Lucio doesn’t just want to be cured,” he said slowly. “He told me that the plague has done too much damage to his body. He wants a new one. That’s what this ritual is for.”

Julian’s hands stilled. “That- That sounds risky.”

Asra rose and turned to face him. “It will be,” he said with a deep breath, “but only for me and Lucio, and the lion’s share of that risk will be mitigated by participants who are willing to help. Ilya, please.”

Julian took Asra’s hands in his own and bent to kiss him. “I’m with you,” he said solemnly. “I will do everything in my power to help.”

Asra exhaled sharply in relief. “Thank you.”

A teasing grin spread over Julian’s face. “Maybe we could get you a body that isn’t so short, while we’re at it.”

Asra made a face. “I’m not short,” he huffed.

“The fact that I need to strain my back to kiss you says otherwise.”

“I’m average height for a Vesuvian. You’re just too tall.”

“No, no, you’re short, Asra. You’re shorter than the Countess.”

“By all of two inches!”

“If you weren’t short, would I be able to do this?!” The next thing Asra knew, he was being hefted into the air by Julian and flung over Julian's shoulder. "Ilya!" he gasped, laughing in surprise. "Put me down!"

"Not until you admit that you're short!"

"I'm not a sack of potatoes to be hauled around! Put me down!" Asra could barely talk for laughing so hard. His fingers grabbed at Julian's shirt, trying to get a handhold to right himself, as Julian began to slowly spin in place. Asra laughed harder. "Ilya! I mean it!"

"Look at this! You're so tiny!"

  
"I am not!"

Julian began to sway as Asra's laughter rose in volume and pitch, still protesting this treatment. They both heard the footsteps approaching the library; Asra tried to right himself again to look as Julian turned to the library door as Nadia entered. Her eyes widened at the scene. "My word! What is going on in here?"

"Tell him to put me down!" Asra called.

The corners of Nadia's mouth quirked upward as she said, "I think you better do as he says, doctor."

"Neither of you are any fun," Julian half-whined, carrying Asra over to his pillow nest. Then, getting a better grip on Asra's body, assessed how deep and soft the pillows were. Finding them satisfactory, he gently tossed Asra down into the pillows. Asra landed with a soft, "Oof!" and covered his red face with his hand, still laughing hysterically. "Are you going to admit that you're short yet?" Julian challenged, crouching next to him.

" _Never_ ," Asra retorted, finally getting control of his giggles. "I should make you sleep alone tonight for that."

Julian grinned. "But you won't, because I'm irresistable."

"I won't because I needed the laugh. I haven't laughed that hard since-"

Asra's voice abruptly cut off, all hint of joy gone from his face. Julian, a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, prompted, "Since?"

"Since before Thomas died," Asra whispered, and covered his face with his hands again.

It was silent in the room after that. Julian went to his knees and pulled Asra into an embrace, and Nadia stood still in the silence before saying, "Don't worry about Lucio's threats. He's just trying to... motivate you."

"I wasn't worried about Lucio's threats," Asra said in a thick voice. Then he took a deep breath. "Ilya has agreed to join us for the ritual. Have you had any luck getting your parents to agree to come?"

Nadia shook her head slowly. "No, in fact, I haven't. They aren't able to make it. Can you find others to represent those cards?"

Asra sighed, running his hand down his face. "I can try. Damn it... If we don't find anyone, we're going to have to call the whole thing off, for now, at least. _Damn_."

"Just do the best you can," Nadia said. "Doctor Devorak, keep working at that cure. If Asra cannot find suitable replacements, we'll need it while we come up with another pretense to invite these people to the banquet. I don't think Lucio has much time left." 

Asra looked up, meeting Nadia's gaze. She nodded slightly to him. He needed to talk to her, make sure she knew what was really going on. Julian didn't seem to notice it. "As you wish, Countess," Julian murmured. "Are you alright, Asra?"

"No," Asra replied with a sigh. "I'm going back to the shop. I'll need absolute focus to find replacements for Queen Satrinava and the Royal Consort... As well as the other Princesses, I assume?" Nadia nodded, and Asra winced. "Right... I better get to work, then. Come by when you're done for the night, Ilya."

"Absolutely." Julian helped Asra stand and kissed him. Asra held himself stiffly, and Julian was about to pull back an apologize- for what, he wasn't sure- when Asra put a hand to his face and kissed him back. Then they separated, and Asra headed out with Nadia.

As the door closed, Nadia whispered, "You don't really intend to get a new body for Lucio, do you?"

"No." Asra's face darkened as they walked. "I'm going to change the ritual so that the body goes to Thomas. And then we're going to have to run, because Lucio _will_ kill me for that."

"He will, and I won't be able to stop him." She glanced at him. "I shall send a letter to my parents. After the ritual, go immediately to Prakra, as quickly as you can. I'll do everything I can to stall Lucio's soldiers to give you a head start, but you're going to need to be prepared to defend yourself."

"I know." Asra took a deep breath. "Once we're on the road, I think I'll be able to. Thomas is just as accomplished a magician as I am; we'll be able to fend off any soldiers together. We just have to get far enough away from civilization that we won't be arrested for murder if someone sees us."

Nadia nodded. "And I... I will join you when I can." Asra glanced at her, eyebrow raised, and Nadia scowled as she said, "I am so tired of him, Asra. He isn't the man I thought he was when I married him. I cannot stand by him and watch him ruin the city and his people any longer, but neither can I stop him. I'd rather leave than stand by, helpless, while he hurts people."

"Nadi..." Asra managed a nod. "Or you could come with us. I know you're good with a sword, and I could teach you some magic to help defend us."

She gave him a little smile. "Thank you for the offer. Let me consider it."

"The ritual is in a week- assuming I can find replacements for your family. You'll have to consider quickly."

"I know." She sighed as they came to the front doors of the palace. "Be well, Asra. I will see you tomorrow."

"See you tomorrow, Nadi."


	7. Chapter 7

Asra was beginning to panic. Three days remained until the ritual, and he still hadn't found replacements for Nadia's family. Lucio's threats to kill him didn't bother him; he knew they were empty. But if he didn't find replacements for Nadia's family, he couldn't bring Thomas back. The thought sent a swift lance of pain through him. He was so, so close, but he just couldn't get there!

Nadia continued preparations for the Masquerade as if nothing was amiss. The previous day, she had insisted that Julian and Asra leave off their work to be fitted for costumes for the party. In any other circumstance, Asra would've been delighted. Nadia had such a great eye for fashion, and she always put together outfits for him that made him feel like the most attractive person in the room. He could barely stay still for the fitting, and Julian shot him a charming look. "You're going to steal everyone's hearts, Asra."

"I don't want to steal everyone's hearts." The compliment made him smile despite himself.

"Too bad. You've already stolen mine."

Asra had given him an odd, uncomfortable look, but Julian hadn't seemed to notice. They were now in the library, in companionable silence, both of them working on their own projects. Asra couldn't focus. He was beginning to panic, and panic led to more difficulty connecting to his cards. Making an unhappy noise, he shook his head as if to shake away the impending sense of doom, and tried again.

Julian looked up from his work. "Take a break," he suggested kindly. "You sound like you need it."

"I need to find these people," Asra muttered in response. "I only have two days."

"Three."

" _Two_. We need to get the invitations to them as well." Was that even enough time? Asra winced. He felt like this was already a lost cause. 

Just as he resolved to tell Lucio that they needed to call off the ritual for now, Julian stood, stretching. "Come on. You're going to give yourself a burning stomach if you keep stressing the way you are."

"You don't understand! If I don't do this-"

"Then Lucio waits a bit longer for a new body. The plague hasn't killed him yet. I get the feeling that somehow, it's not going to." Julian sighed. "If he'd just let me examine _him_ , I'm sure I'd have a cure- or at least a treatment- long before now." He cut off his musing with a shake of his head. "Come on, up. We're going for a walk."

Asra was too defeated to argue further, and offered Julian a hand. He took it, and tugged Asra to his feet. They started wandering, and at first Asra thought they were going to the kitchen. When Julian walked right past it, Asra didn't know _where_ they were going, or if Julian even had a destination in mind. "Where exactly are we going?"

Julian shrugged. "Just for a stroll. We both need a break."

Asra fought down irritation. He didn't have the time for this! But Julian was right- he needed to walk away from the cards for a few minutes, at least, clear his mind so he could try again. Asra sighed and leaned against Julian; Julian's fingers tightened around Asra's and he looked down at him, concern bright in his eyes. "Are you okay?"

"Am I ever okay?" Asra asked miserably. 

"... Foolish question, sorry." Julian's face flushed, but he said nothing further.

Their wandering brought them to the ballroom. Asra was about to tell Julian that they should get back to work when his gaze fell on Nadia, sitting at a pipe organ in the corner. She looked up at them and smiled. "Taking a break?"

"Yes. Asra was starting to growl at his cards."

"I wasn't _growling_ ," Asra miffed as they entered the room. 

Nadia smiled. "The masquerade is in three days. Ritual or not, I want you two to enjoy yourselves."

They looked at each other. As Asra was about to say that he wasn't sure he would be able to, Julian said, with a twinkle in his eye, "It's been forever since I danced. I could use the practice."

He looked pointedly at Asra. Asra, knowing exactly what Julian wanted him to do about it, asked blankly, "What do you want me to do about it?"

"Dance with me."

"I have a _lot_ of work to do, Ilya."

Nadia shook her head. "If you haven't found the guests by now, we don't have time to locate them. It's over, for now. Lucio is expecting the news. In fact, he wondered to me this morning how long you were going to delay the inevitable."

Asra smirked. "The inevitable. Does he think I'm afraid of him?"

"No. As I told you before, that was his attempt to motivate you. He never intended to kill you." She smiled. "Humor the good doctor. Let him practice his dance steps. You've worked hard enough to deserve a break."

Asra shook his head firmly, but Julian begged, "Please, Asra. Just one dance, and then I'll let you go beat your head against the wall some more."

Asra sighed. "I suppose it is futile at this point." His shoulders slumped in defeat. It was over... for now, at least. When he went to Lucio to tell him that they were out of time, he intended to suggest that Asra continue looking, and that they plan for another party. It didn't have to be the masquerade. It could just be a dinner for honored guests. 

That decided, he nodded. "Alright. I'll practice dancing with you. We better get used to each other if we don't want to step on each others' feet at the masquerade."

"That's the spirit!" Julian laughed, and led him out onto the center of the floor. Nadia seated herself at the organ again, and began playing a sensual waltz, easy to follow. Julian took the lead and Asra followed, falling into step with the doctor easily. They moved together as if they'd danced every night for years. "You're a natural," Julian murmured as he twirled him.

Asra came to face him again and smiled up at him sadly. "I met Thomas at the masquerade," he said. "The last few of them, we danced together until we could barely stand. I got a lot of practice with him."

A look of sorrow flickered on Julian's face at the mention of Thomas's name. Asra felt a pang of regret for bringing him up. He hated hurting Julian, but Julian had to remember whose heart Asra's belonged to. He had to remember that this wasn't _real_ , or he was going to be devestated when it ended. Asra would keep bringing up Thomas for as long as it took for Julian to get the hint. Maybe if he mentioned him enough, Julian would get sick of it and break it off himself. Asra almost hoped he would... but the thought of him doing so sent another pain through him. 

What the hell was going on with him? He was so confused...

Step, step, spin. "I can't believe you were worried about being out of practice," Asra said, changing the subject. "Honestly, I expected you to have two left feet."

Julian laughed quietly, bowing his head. "It was a hobby in Nevivon," he said after a moment.

"Ah. Broke a few hearts?"

"Made a few friends." He spun Asra again, and then joked, "And you claim you're not short."

"I'm _not_."

"I dare you to try to spin me."

Asra laughed quietly, shaking his head and not responding. He wondered idly how long the song Nadia was playing would last, unsure of whether he wanted the song to end or not. He wasn't sure of a lot of things these days, and it scared him. He wasn't even sure what he was scared of. His life seemed hopelessly nebulous. He longed for the time when everything was clear-cut and sure.

He was so wrapped up in his own thoughts that he barely noticed that Julian was pressing closer, holding him tighter. He looked up at Julian questioningly as he bent down to whisper in his ear. "I love you."

Everything _stopped_. Asra stiffened and jerked away as if Julian had burned him. He tripped over his own feet in his haste to get away, falling heavily to the floor. Julian yelped his name, eyes wide, as Asra scrambled to his feet and bolted from the ballroom, leaving Julian calling after him. Hot tears stung his eyes as he fled the castle, his heart pounding wildly in his chest. What the hell was that supposed to mean? How? How did Julian love him? Asra was _using_ him and made no secret of it! How did this happen?!

By the time he reached the woods, the tears had abated, but he was still frantic and he wasn't sure why. "Muriel!" he cried when he drew close to the hut. " _Muriel!_ "

The door to the hut opened almost immediately, Muriel's huge form coming to stand in the door. "Asra?" he asked, then staggered backwards as Asra slammed into him, arms going around him. Muriel awkwardly patted him on the back, stunned, looking down at him, and then- "You've been crying. What's wrong? Come in."

Asra followed him into the hut, the story spilling out of him from start to finish. Some of it, Muriel already knew. They had gotten together a few times since Muriel's first attempt to get him to abandon his plan. He wasn't surprised when Asra told him what Julian had said to him. "I knew this was going to happen," Muriel murmured. "I tried to warn you."

"The worst part is that I don't know how I feel about this." Asra wrung his hands, not quite meeting Muriel's gaze. "I mean... I told him that I was never going to love him-"

"No, you didn't." A flicker of annoyance crossed Asra's face, and Muriel crossed his arms over his chest. "I remember you telling me about that conversation well. You told me that you said you would never be over Thomas. Obviously it hasn't occured to that idiot Ilya that that precludes you loving him." His gaze shifted. "Or at least, that's what you thought, isn't it?"

Asra's fingers tightened. "I don't love him."

"Then why did you run away?"

"Because I didn't know- I didn't know what to say-"

"You're full of it, Asra. You've never been shy about telling people where you stand. If you felt nothing for him you'd have said as much. You ran because you do and you don't know what to do about it."

Asra went still. "So what _do_ I do about it?" he asked quietly.

Muriel was quiet for a moment. "Are you really asking _me_ for love advice?" 

A smile flickered on his face. "You're my best friend. You see me clearly when I can't."

"You're not going to like it."

"Maybe so. I still want to hear it."

Muriel put a hand on Asra's shoulder. "You obviously feel something for him, or you wouldn't be here. I think you can do better than him but that's beside the point. You can go back and talk to him. Tell him that you're not there yet, but you're not going to hold it back any longer, and _let go_ of Thomas." Asra paled, and Muriel said quickly, "Hear me out. You just told me that you don't have the people you need for the ritual. You can stop this _now_."

"I can't. Lucio is going to demand- are you suggesting I _let_ Lucio have a new body? Give up half of my heart for _him_?"

Muriel winced. "No. I'm saying to tell him that the price is too steep."

"I can't do that, Muriel. I'm trapped."

"Weren't you going to go to Prakra if you resurrected Thomas successfully? Take the doctor and go now. Let Lucio rot."

Asra looked hurt. "Are you telling me to just leave you behind?"

"You've already left me behind once, and you were going to do it again once you had Thomas." Muriel's expression softened. "And it's not like I'll never see you again. You'd come back once Lucio was gone."

"I..." Asra thought hard about what Muriel was telling him. "I don't want to give up on Thomas."

"But you don't want to give up on Julian." When Asra said nothing, Muriel sighed. "You can't have it both ways, Asra. You need to chose one of them or the other, and you need to do it now, before you hurt both yourself and Julian more than you already have."

Asra considered Muriel's thoughts carefully. Then... "Will you still be at the Masquerade?"

Muriel blinked at the sudden change of conversation. He had already given his assent to participating in the ritual, although he hadn't been happy about it. "What for? You just told me that the ritual is being called off."

"I... I'll need you there. To keep Ilya away from me."

Muriel's eyes widened as Asra's words sank in. "Asra, no."

Asra looked away. "You're right. I have to make a choice, and... and I'm chosing Thomas."

"Asra, _Thomas is dead_. The ritual isn't going to happen!"

"Not yet, it won't. But Lucio will insist that we still try to get everyone together. I can still do it." He looked up at Muriel. "Please. He'll keep his distance if you're there."

Muriel looked stricken. "I'll- I'll go. For you. But _please_ rethink this! I- Asra! Asra, where are you-"

Asra had gotten up and gone to the door. "Thanks, Muriel. For everything. I feel better," he lied. He didn't feel better. Now all that was left to do was to break up with Julian. "I better go tell Ilya that it's- that it's over." 

"Asra! _Wait!_ Asra!"

Asra just kept walking, head down. "Sorry, Muriel," he murmured as he heard Muriel stop in the doorway of the hut. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. "But I have to do what I have to do."

And he had to save Thomas. If that meant hurting Julian...

... so be it.


	8. Chapter 8

By the time he reached the city limits, his determination had wavered. He didn't _want_ to hurt Julian. The more he thought about it, the more he went over Muriel's words in his head, the more he realized that he _did_ care about Julian, very deeply.

But _love_?

Whatever it was, it definitely wasn't love. He knew, intimately, what it was like to be in love. Whatever their relationship was, he wasn't in love with him. He was absolutely sure of that. Guilt gnawed at him for letting Julian get close enough to believe that he was in love with Asra, too. Their relationship was purely sexual, or so Asra had thought. Hadn't they come to that agreement at the Rowdy Raven, three weeks ago? Asra thought he had been clear about where he stood. Did Julian actually think that would change in only three weeks?

The Rowdy Raven. 

Asra didn't want to face Julian yet. He turned his footsteps to the bar. He had never been one to drink- he was self-aware enough to know that it would be a bad idea for him to do it with any regularity- but he desperately needed a drink after the day he had. The barkeep saw him come in, and grinned broadly at him. "Meeting Julian?" he asked.

"Not today," Asra replied, going to the bar. "Salty bitters, please."

The surprise that crossed the barkeep's face was almost comical. "You sure about that, lad? That's quite a bit stronger than what you usually-"

"Good. Make it two." 

The barkeep watched him warily, but prepared the drinks for him without further comment. "If you need someone to talk to, lad, I'm right here," he said, handing the drinks off to him.

Asra took them. "Talking won't help," he answered, and went to the booth he usually shared with Julian. "Time to see if these are as disgusting as Ilya says they are," he muttered, took a sip, and nearly choked. They were. They would also get him drunk _very_ quickly. He hesitated only a moment before knocking back another mouthful. It was easier the second time, and got easier the more he drank. Soon he didn't even care about the taste anymore. 

And soon there were four glasses on his table, a fifth in his hand. Some part of him was telling him to stop, that he wasn't used to drinking so much, that he was going to poison himself if he kept this up. Asra put his head down on the table, shaking it a bit. Still not numb enough to cope with what had happened. How could he? He wasn't getting Thomas back, and he hadn't been clear enough with Julian to prevent this from happening. This was the worst case scenario with that relationship and it had completely blindsided him. Even worse was the fact that he actually cared now. 

The thought to let it continue on until he _could_ resurrect Thomas crossed his mind, and he shut it down. If he did that it'd destroy Julian. It would be easier now to let it go- maybe even pretend- and the impulse to do so was so strong. He vacillated between beating himself up for not making himself clear enough and blaming Julian for ignoring him when he said that it would never go anywhere. He knew what he had to do. He just wasn't sure he had it in him. He'd heard Julian call alcohol "liquid courage" but it seemed to Asra that all it was doing was muddling his mind further.

Cheek still pressed to the cool wood of the table, he turned his head as he heard the door to the establishment open. Julian stood in the doorway, gaze sweeping over the crowd until he found Asra's eyes and met them. Julian's concerned look grew almost fearful as they stared at each other. Asra looked away, back to the wall, as Julian approached the bar. He heard them talking quietly, could sense both their eyes on him. 

Julian only talked to the barkeep for a few minutes. Asra didn't look up as he heard Julian slide into the other seat of the booth. Neither said anything for a long time. Julian was the one who broke the silence. "You have the palace in a panic, you know. Even Lucio's worried about you."

Asra laughed. The sound was harsher than he'd ever laughed before. "Lucio's worried about his ritual. He doesn't give a damn about _me_."

"That- that may be so- but what about Nadia?" He paused. "What about _me?_ " When Asra said nothing, Julian said, haltingly, "I'm... sorry. I... I thought I'd take a chance, and it backfired. Can we just pretend I never said it?"

Asra laughed again, surprised enough to lift his head. Colors swam in his sight for a moment before righting themselves. "No, we can't just pretend you never said it! Are you out of your mind?"

Julian winced. "Did I screw this up altogether? Is this... Is this the end of us?"

"I- I'm sorry. I can't- I don't- I don't _want_ it to be, but I have to- I'm sorry- Gods!" Asra let his head fall to the table again. "I'm so confused!"

After a moment, Julian said, hopeful, "You're drunk. Maybe... maybe you'll be able to think clearer once you've sobered up."

He shook his head without lifting it. "No. I know I have to end this before you get anymore hurt than you already are. I'm sorry."

"I knew what I was getting into. I _know_ what I'm getting into. Asra, _please_ -"

"I'm sorry, Ilya."

Neither of them moved for several long moments. Asra breathed a sigh of relief when he heard Julian stand silently. Then he tensed again as he heard Julian's voice at the bar, and moments later, he returned with a drink for himself. "Well!" he said in faux brightness, "since neither of us wants to be sober right now, nothing stopping us from having a few together for old times' sake, right?"

"You're not going to go away, are you?"

"Not while you're as drunk as you are, no. I'm... I'm not leaving you alone in the state you're in. This isn't a friendly area."

Asra picked his head up and threw back the rest of his drink. "Fair enough, I guess. For old times' sake."

* * *

Sunlight filtered through Asra's eyelashes, spiking pain in his head. He swallowed back a groan as he lifted himself onto an elbow, puzzled, looking down on Julian's peaceful face. He was naked. Both of them were.

But that didn't make any sense. They had broken up last night. 

Yet here he was, naked, in Julian's bed. What the hell...?

Flashes of the previous night trickled through his mind, disjointed and hazy. He remembered ordering water for a while, while Julian caught up to him; they talked; they argued; Julian _kissed_ him... or did he kiss Julian? Asra shook his head, as if that would clear his memory of the night. Someone protested that the other was drunk, and the other replied that they were as well, but he couldn't remember who had spoken which protest. 

And then...

His eyes narrowed in anger. There was no way that should've happened last night. He remembered quite well that he had been _perfectly clear_ that the relationship was _over_. There was no way for Julian to have misinterpreted him. Julian even _acknowledged_ it. Furious, although unsure with whom, exactly, Asra threw off the covers and began gathering up his clothes, dressing hastily.

Leaving the bed jostled Julian awake. "Asra?" he asked sleepily. "Where are you-"

" _Home_ ," Asra snapped back. He was furious with _both_ of them. 

Julian threw off the covers, getting to his feet. "Alright, just give me a moment to get dressed and I'll walk you-"

"No, you won't!" Asra turned on him, glaring at him vehemently. "You knew I was drunk, Ilya!"

A flash of anger crossed Julian's features. "You kissed _me_ ," he snapped back. "And I was just as drunk as you were!"

"I made it _absolutely clear_ that it was _over_ , and you _still_ seduced me, and-"

Julian cut him off with an angry, barking laugh. "We're remembering last night _very_ differently, and it's a moot point. We were both drunk, and we _both_ wanted to-"

"I didn't!"

"You absolutely did, Asra!" Julian was yelling now. "I know I'm just a poor replacement for Thomas but you do _not_ get to be mad at me because we- _both of us-_ decided to make love last night!"

"You're not a replacement for Thomas," Asra snarled. " _You_ could never replace him!"

Asra regretted the words the moment they were out of his mouth. A flash of pain flickered across Julian's face, and he looked away, taking a few deep, calming breaths. "That was foolish of me to say," he finally managed. "I apologize. But I have a point and you _know_ it. You told me when this started that you would never be over him and it looks like you were right- but only because you're _refusing_ to let him go! He's gone, Asra! No amount of-"

"No, he isn't."

Asra's voice was soft and neutral, a far cry from the fury that had been in it only seconds ago. Julian stared at him. "What?"

"He's not gone."

Julian sounded like he thought Asra had just lost his mind. "Asra, I sent him to the lazaret myself," he said in a low, ragged voice, "and it ripped me to _pieces_ to do it. If you must do this to yourself, then so be it, but don't do this to _me_. You're not going to make me perpetually grieve him like you are."

Asra turned to face him fully. He had wanted to keep this from Julian for as long as possible, but after last night, it was obvious that nothing short of the truth would make him stay away. "He isn't gone," he repeated, staring Julian in the eyes. "In order to grant Lucio a new body, the people at the ritual must drink his blood. Replace his blood with mine, and..."

Asra's voice trailed off at how wide Julian's eyes had gotten. "You're insane," he breathed. 

"I promise you, I'm not. I was told by the Devil that it would work."

"The _Devil_? Wait, from your cards? _That_ Devil?" Julian shook his head. "And you _believed_ him? And even if it _does_ work, the _moment_ Lucio realizes you stabbed him in the back, he _will_ kill you, and there's nothing the Countess will be able to do to stop him!"

"He'll have to catch me first."

Julian was speechless. "This is... When were you intending to tell me about this?"

"I wasn't."

"I'm your _lover_ , Asra! Bringing back your dead ex is something I _have_ to know about!"

"He's not my ex, and you aren't my lover. You haven't been since last night, no matter what happened."

Julian abruptly turned his back on him. "Get out."

"Never thought you'd ask. Goodbye, Ilya." Asra finished dressing in silence and stormed out of the house, heading back to the shop. He needed to freshen up and change into clean clothes before he went to see Lucio. He had to accept that the ritual wasn't going happen. He needed to plan his next move. This wasn't over.

And now that he didn't have Julian to distract him, he could focus entirely on the ritual, and his plan to escape. 

It was midafternoon by the time he arrived at the castle. He was tense, expecting to see Julian there, but when he went to the library to collect his cards, the doctor was nowhere to be seen. He took a deep breath and made his way back through the palace, to Lucio's wing. The faster they dealt with this, the better. He took a breath to steady himself, then knocked on the door to Lucio's room.

Nadia was the one who answered. Concern shimmered in her red eyes when her gaze fell on him. "Asra. Are you alright? Did the doctor ever find you last night?"

"He found me, alright," Asra said grimly, shutting out the feelings of anger and betrayal before they could overtake him again. "Do me a favor and never send him after me again."

Lucio heard him from inside the room. "He spooked you that bad, did he?" Nadia moved aside to let Asra into the room, and Asra thought he detected a hint of sympathy in Lucio's voice, surprising him. _Was_ Lucio genuinely worried about him?

He didn't have time to think about it. "Tell me about the ritual," Lucio demanded.

Asra steeled himself. "We're out of time," he said after only a minute. "I can't find the appropriate people in time for the masquerade. That doesn't mean we can't still do it, just that-"

"You're right, it doesn't mean that." Lucio coughed. "We'll make do with who we have."

Asra's blood ran cold, his eyes went wide. "What?"

"You heard me. Soon as Jules gets over whatever nastiness happened between you last night, I'm going to send for him to collect my blood, and you're going to keep it until the masquerade. We do this exactly as we planned."

Asra's heart started pounding. "But it won't work without everyone here," Asra protested. "There's even a good chance that it'll go wrong!"

"That's a chance I'm willing to take. I'm tired of living in this weak body, Asra, do you hear me? I'm not going to suffer through this illness any longer than I absolutely have to."

Gritting his teeth, Asra tried again: "You'll be putting every single person at that dinner in danger, Lucio. I don't know what will happen if we attempt the ritual without everyone present, the Devil didn't tell me. But that kind of magic is _dangerous_ when it goes wrong."

"What's the worst that could happen?"

Asra had no idea. He cast about frantically for something that would give Lucio pause, and finally said, "You could destroy Vesuvia."

A sneering grin spread over Lucio's face. "Then you better do everything in your power to keep control of the ritual, huh?"

There was silence in the room. Nadia attempted, "Lucio, the best body in the world isn't going to do you any good if you kill us all getting it."

"I believe in Asra." There was a certain sneering quality to Lucio's voice. "He won't let that happen. Will you?"

Asra's back was against the wall. Lucio obviously wasn't going to listen. "No," he said in a dark voice. "I won't let that happen."

"Good boy." Lucio coughed, waving him and Nadia away. "I'm tired. Let me rest."

Nadia rose and followed Asra out of the room, her expression dark. As she closed the door behind them, she asked, "Well? Are you nearly as confident in your ability to avert disaster as Lucio seems to be?"

"Not the slightest." His voice was quiet with a calm he didn't think he'd ever experience again. But he _had_ to be calm. There was too much riding on him being able to think clearly. "If Lucio won't postpone the ritual, then I'm just going to have to sabotage it. He can't be allowed to put everyone at risk like this."

"Do you have something in mind?"

A plan began forming in Asra's mind, and he nodded. "I think I know what to do. Just follow my lead, Nadi. Everything will be fine."

"Alright. Do you think we should warn Julian?"

Asra snorted. "After what just happened between us? He's not coming. I'll eat Faust's food for a week if he actually shows up."

Nadia laid a hand on his arm. "I'm sorry. I know you had... hopes for this ritual."

He managed a reassuring smile. "It isn't over. Once it fails, Lucio will tell me to keep looking. Maybe we'll be able to get everyone together without needing to find replacements. I think Ilya is right; for whatever reason, the plague isn't going to kill Lucio. We have time."

Nadia met his gaze evenly, searching. "I hope you're right, Asra," she murmured. "Are _you_ okay? What happened last night?"

He wanted to vent about what happened, but... "It's best left between me and Ilya," he answered. "I don't want to risk poisoning the well."

She smiled at him. "Even if I tell you I fully understand that there's two sides to the story?" Asra must've looked sorely tempted, because she laughed gently. "Come to my rooms. I'll send for some wine and we can talk-"

"No alcohol for me," Asra said, feeling queasy at the thought of drinking again.

Nadia delicately arches an eyebrow. “Tea for you, then,” she said. “Will that do?”

“Beautifully. Thanks, Nadi.”

“This is what friends are for.” She held out a hand with a smile, and Asra took it. 


	9. Chapter 9

Asra worked quickly as he dumped the blood out of the vial and washed it out in the fountain, using magic to scrub every last trace of the blood from the glass. He had to be careful here, careful not to be seen, careful not to get pomegranate juice on his costume. His hands trembled as he lifted the carafe and vial together, and then put them down, willing his shaking hands to still. The mask was getting in his way, and he yanked it off, set it on the lip of the fountain beside him. Taking a deep breath, he tried again.

This time, his hands were steady as he filled the vial with the juice and stoppered it up again. He stashed the vial in his sash and carried the remainder of the pomegranate juice deeper into the garden, hiding the bottle. The groundskeepers would find it quickly enough and puzzle over it, but he was in the clear. Asra retrieved his mask and set it back over his face, eyes turning to the night sky. It was almost time.

Taking another deep breath, he gathered up his courage and headed back into the palace. Nadia had told him that she was behind him, that she would protect him, if it came down to it. His heart hurt; he wanted this to be over already. He wanted Thomas back so, so much. Now that Julian was out of the picture, he couldn't believe he had ever engaged in that kind of relationship. That wasn't _him_. He swore he'd never sleep next to another person again. That vow had lasted all of a month before he found himself in bed with someone else, and it stung. He couldn't take it back; all he could do was make it up to Thomas when Thomas was back... and he _was_ coming back. There was no doubt in Asra's mind that he'd succeed, eventually.

But he wanted that to be _now_.

Sighing, he put on the bland smile that he'd had during the party so far, declined an offer from a stranger to dance, and made his way to Lucio's wing. Lucio was sitting in bed, right where Asra had left him. Lucio looked up at him as he entered the room without knocking. His eyes shone with anticipation. "Is it time?"

"It is. People should start coming any minute now." He hesitated. "Lucio, I am _begging_ you, reconsider this. I have no idea what doing the ritual without everyone necessary is actually going to do. You could _die_."

"You won't let that happen." 

Asra suppressed his reaction to that. He wanted nothing more than to let Lucio die. He wasn't sabotaging the ritual for Lucio's sake, but for everyone else's. Lucio could rot, as far as he was concerned. If Lucio wanted to be careless with his safety, then so be it, but Asra wasn't going to let his carelessness hurt anyone else. 

They waited in silence for the guests to Lucio's dinner. After a while, there was a knock at the door, and Asra got up to open it. He found himself staring into Julian's masked face. They looked at each other for several long moments before Asra wordlessly moved aside to let Julian in.

Lucio watched this in keen interest, grinning. "Looks like you're eating your snake's food for the next week, Asra," Lucio coughed.

Julian blinked and looked at Asra. "What?"

"I... didn't think you'd come. I told Nadia that I was so sure you wouldn't that I'd eat Faust's food for a week if you did."

Julian's mouth quirked upward in an unwilling smile that quickly smoothed out. "I promised," he said, then turned to Lucio. "How are you feeling?"

"I'll be better once we get this show on the road. You better not have any leeches, Jules."

"I don't have any leeches."

Silence descended again, this time awkward. Asra wanted to say something. Apologize for losing his temper at him, maybe. The more he thought about it, the more he knew Julian had been right. That last night had been a mistake but it was a mistake they both made. Asra hadn't had a right to take it out on him. He somehow doubted that such a sentiment would mean anything to Julian, though. 

Julian looked up, seeing Asra staring at him, and then cleared his throat and looked away. "I never asked- who else is going to be here?"

He almost looked disappointed when Lucio was the one who answered. "Noddy, the courtiers, and Asra's friend Muriel."

Julian's gaze turned from Lucio to Asra. "I thought we needed twenty-two people for this."

Asra shrugged uncomfortably. "Lucio insists on trying anyway." Julian opened his mouth to say something, then shut it again, and Asra's voice softened. He hated seeing Julian so nervous. "Everything will be alright," he said. "I've got everything under control."

Julian met his gaze, and then said after a moment, "I trust you."

The words almost took Asra's breath away. Lucio laughed. "This is better than a live drama. All it needs is a tortured kiss." Both of them turned their gazes on Lucio, disgusted, and looked away.

Slowly, the guests began arriving. Nadia was next, and then the courtiers, and finally Muriel. Lucio rubbed his hands together eagerly and got out of bed. He stumbled in his eagerness, and Julian darted forward to steady him. Without offering any words of thanks, Lucio went to the great painting of himself and ran his fingers along the bottom of the frame. Asra heard a soft _click_ , and the painting pulled away from the wall, leading to an ominous set of stairs. 

Lucio led the way down to his private dining room, and Asra wondered idly which servants had access to it, when they had time to set the table. Each place was meticulously set, personalized to the guest who would be sitting at the table. The guests had no trouble finding their places; Asra stood by the door, pulling the vial from his sash as Lucio sat at the head of the table. "Well?" he prompted, gesturing impatiently to the carafe of wine in the middle of the table. 

Asra forced his hands to be steady as he approached and grabbed the carafe. A quick glance around revealed curiosity on most of the faces at the table; Julian had gone pale, but said nothing as Asra poured the contents of the vial into the wine and then filled a chalice with the liquid. 

"All of you are aware of why we're here," Lucio said, his strained voice soft and eager. "We will perform the ritual with Asra's help- and then we will _party_."

All eyes turned to Asra. He took a deep breath and streched his magic outward, letting it settle on each plate at the setting. The emblems on the plates that he'd etched carefully with magic into the metal flared to life, but only for the place settings that had a person at them. The magic drained out of him and into the chalice, and his shoulders slumped, exhausted. Lucio watched him expectantly, and Asra nodded, taking the chalice and drinking a sip from it. He could taste the pomegranate juice in the wine and grimaced, hoping Lucio would be too distracted by the prospect of a new body to notice. He passed the cup to Nadia, who took a sip herself, and then passed it to Julian. The doctor hesitated, pale beneath his mask, but took the tiniest sip, grimacing.

Asra watched the cup make its way down the table to Lucio. His eyes shone greedily as he took the cup, and drank from it. He slammed the cup down, closing his eyes and breathing deeply.

Minutes ticked by. "Nothing's happening," Lucio muttered, eyes fluttering open and fixing on Asra as he stood before his chair, watching everything that happened. "Asra, _nothing's happening_."

"I told you the ritual wouldn't work without everyone here," Asra replied, hiding his relief.

Vulgora rose from their place and ran at Asra, knocking him back against the wall, gauntleted hands grasping at his throat. Asra stared down almost hatefully at them as Julian said in a panicked tone, "Lucio!" 

Vulgora's fingers tightened on his throat. "Say the word and I'll crush this failure's windpipe," they said, looking almost hopeful.

Lucio replied, his voice bored, "He's right. He did tell me that it wasn't going to work. Let him go, Pontifex."

Almost sadly, Vulgora released Asra. His gaze was immediately drawn to Julian, who was letting go of his dinner knife with a shaking hand. Lucio didn't give Asra time to ponder why Julian had grabbed his knife when Vulgora threatened him. "Jules, we need to talk. Now." Lucio's gaze swept over the group, and he sighed. "The rest of you, go enjoy the party. Jules, stay with me. Now that I know that I'm not getting another body, I _need that cure_."

"Yes, Lucio." Julian got up and helped Lucio stand, and the two of them headed out of the dining room.

Asra stood off to the side as the courtiers left, glaring daggers at him, and Muriel and Nadia joined him. Asra exhaled sharply, running a hand through his hair. "I can't believe I pulled that off," he murmured, looking around the dining room.

"What exactly did you do?" Muriel asked.

"I put pomegranate juice in the wine instead of blood," Asra answered. "I'm surprised no one noticed. The taste of pomegranates was strong."

"It was probably stronger to you because you knew what it was." Nadia put a hand on his arm. "Are you alright?"

"I will be, after some rest. We need to discuss trying again with Lucio as soon as Ilya is done with him."

Muriel and Nadia exchanged looks. "Asra," Nadia said softly, "I'm not sure that is a good idea."

"Why not? Lucio _is_ going to want to try again, and so will I."

"You're putting your life at risk," Muriel rumbled. "I asked you before and I'm asking you again- just leave. Let Lucio wither away of the plague and come back once he's gone. You will be safer that way."

Asra shook his head. "No. Now that I've come this far, I- I can't go back. I _can't_. I don't know if you'll ever understand, but I need to see this through. I've sacrificed too much to give up now."

Muriel and Nadia looked at each other again. "You can always apologize to him, you know," Muriel said.

Asra made a face at him, shaking his head. "Even if I wanted to be with him, he wouldn't take me back after everything that's happened. And I have nothing to apologize for."

Nadia laughed in surprise. "We can agree to disagree on that," she said with a wry smile. Asra gave her an exasperated look, and she shrugged. "Now that the ritual is over for now, why don't you two go and enjoy the masquerade? I'm going to go check to make sure everything is still running smoothly. Go dance, be merry."

With that, she walked away, up the stairs, leaving Muriel and Asra alone. "Well?" Asra prompted. "Are you going to stay, or do you want to go home?"

"I want to go home," Muriel said slowly, "but I have a really bad feeling, Asra. I don't think anything is over at all."

Asra tilted his head slightly, searching Muriel's eyes. "What's on your mind?"

"Lucio gave in far too easily."

After a moment of thought, Asra nodded grimly. "You're right. I'm... not sure I like how he took Ilya right out of the room, either."

"You're worried about him now, too."

Asra nodded again, his expression darkening. "I think I'm going to go check on him in a little bit. He might not want to be around me right now and I'll respect that, but I- I have to be sure that he's alright."

Muriel nodded as well. "I'll be in the hedge maze if you need me. Most people are avoiding that area. I'd rather go home, but- not until we know that the doctor is alright. I have a really, really bad feeling about this."

“I know.” Now that Asra was thinking about it, a feeling of dread settled in his chest. He had averted one disaster tonight, but was that all that was going to happen? And he had the sinking feeling that Julian was in danger. If Julian was in danger because of _him_...

Asra watched Muriel climb the steps, trying to shake the feeling of foreboding. The idea that Julian was in danger because he’d sabotaged the ritual was almost comical. Maybe Lucio was right. Maybe he _was_ full of himself. Trying to shake off the growing nausea and tightness in his chest, Asra ascended the stairs, heading back for the party.

Lucio’s room was abandoned when he emerged from the private dining room. That was odd. Lucio was self-conscious about his appearance; he normally didn’t want to risk anyone seeing him. Why would he leave the sanctuary of his rooms?

Whatever. Asra made his way back to the party, trying to relax, his mind on Thomas. He vacillated between patience and urgency. This was a temporary setback; still, he had had his heart set on leaving Vesuvia tonight, heading for Prakra with Thomas before Lucio realized what had happened. He knew it would come, but waiting was torture. He wanted to hold Thomas again.

Regardless, he tried to enjoy the evening, remembering in bittersweetness the masquerades he had attended with Thomas, the long nights dancing, the longer nights at home. But with every memory, thoughts of Julian grew stronger, until he couldn’t ignore them anymore.

Around midnight, the party still pulsing around him, he realized that he hadn’t seen Julian since the ritual.

Cold fear gripped his heart. For all of Julian’s habit of moping, he wasn’t one to turn down a party, for any reason. Julian should have been on the dance floor, making an idiot of himself. 

Asra turned his footsteps towards Lucio’s wing once more. He could check on Julian under the pretense of checking on Lucio. After all, it had been his ritual that Julian and Lucio thought had gone wrong.

He knocked firmly on Lucio’s door, once, twice, and waited. Silence greeted him. “I know you’re still awake, Lucio!” Asra called.

That got a laugh. “Well? Are you waiting for an invitation?”

Asra took that as permission to enter. Lucio’s room was empty except for him; he looked pleased with himself. The cold fear in his heart shifted to inexplicable terror. “Where’s Ilya?” Asra demanded.

“Jules? Do you really think he wants to see you, of all people?”

“ _Where is he?_ ”

“Don’t pretend to care, Asra. He told me what you said to him, that you all but admitted he was just a warm body to take the place of Thomas.” Lucio coughed out a laugh. “And people call _me_ cold-hearted.”

Asra gritted his teeth. “I care more than I want to,” he admitted, “but I still care, and you’re not denying that something’s wrong. Where is he, Lucio?”

Lucio’s cold smile twisted over his face. “He researching my plague cure.”

“The library, then-“

“His office in the dungeon.”

Asra went pale. “His office in the _what?_ ”

“Didn’t he ever tell you? There’s a dungeon research facility beneath the library. He’s there, working tirelessly to save _both_ of our lives now.”

“Both-?” Asra felt his world drop out from underneath him as he realized what Lucio meant. “Ilya- Ilya’s been infected... he has the plague...”

“He does. And he has very important work to do, so I suggest that you don’t disturb him. Not-“ Lucio held up a key, black, with a red gemstone embedded in the handle, “-that you can.”


	10. Chapter 10

Asra stared at Lucio in horror. "How?" he managed to choke. "He was fine three hours ago! What did you do?!"

Lucio's grin was decidedly unpleasant. "I simply gave him incentive to work harder. You and he seem to be under the impression that I'm impervious to the plague. I'm not. It's just taking longer than usual to kill me. And after _your_ failure tonight, I don't know how much more time I have. I needed him to start taking this cure seriously."

Asra stood there, shaking his head, eyes wide. Then he scowled. He had to do something. "Give me that key," he demanded roughly.

"What? No! Why? What're you going to do, set him free so he can go die somewhere else?"

"I'm going to help him!"

Lucio barked out a laugh. "And what do you think _you_ can do?"

"I don't know, but I have to do something. Give me the key, Lucio!" Lucio shook his head, and Asra advanced on him quickly, reaching for it. They fought over it for several seconds before Asra realized that Lucio was stronger than he expected him to be, stronger than Asra was. He wouldn't be able to take the key with brute force. Adrenaline rushing through him, he lifted a hand and gathered his magic to it, then pushed it against Lucio's face and released it. Lucio grunted and slumped over. With a shaking hand, Asra felt for Lucio's pulse. Finding it strong, he relaxed, plucked the key out of Lucio's hand, and bolted.

Lucio said that the dungeon was below the library. Asra ran through the crowd, heart pounding, heading for the library. He reached it and burst in, looking frantically around. Lucio said that the dungeon was beneath this room, but how was he supposed to find it? Frantically, he forced back exhaustion and cast his magic out, searching. He sensed something by one of the bookcases and approached it, heart pounding, scanning the spines of the books on it. Three of the books had been recently touched; he reached out to them, and pulled on them. They tilted without coming out of the bookcase, and as he pulled on the last one, the bookcase swung open, revealing another set of secret stairs.

Asra didn't hesitate as he rushed in, down the stairs, and through a dirt corridor. His foot caught on a root protruding from the ground and he stumbled, but caught his footing in the next moment. He moved more carefully after that, frustrated by his slowed pace. He finally came into a large chamber, with a huge machine in the center. He approached it, eyes scanning the cage for any hint of what he was supposed to do with it. He caught sight of a keyhole with a plaque bolted to it. He bent down to read it: "Bloody hands may turn the key. Know the weight of your sins, and enter."

He paled as he murmured the words, then straightened. The weight of his sins, huh? He thought as hard as he could of Julian, of the horrible things he'd done to him, as he inserted the key and tried to turn it. It wouldn't catch. Frustrated, Asra stretched his memory back further, to the things Lucio demanded of him growing up. He knew that what he did for Lucio went to bad ends, but he never knew _what_ ends they were. Still, there were a few poisons in there. Surely he had blood on his hands from that. 

Still nothing. He jiggled the key in the lock with increasing force before backing off, running his hands through his hair, thinking as quickly as he could. "Faust," he said after a moment, in a low voice. "Go get Muriel."

_Yes!_ Faust wound her way out of his sash and dashed up the path while Asra paced. He wasn't the praying type- the gods had never seemed particularly interested in him- but he prayed now, to any of the gods that might be listening, that he wasn't too late, that he wasn't helpless to stop this. 

A plan began forming in his mind as he waited for Muriel. It was risky, but maybe- maybe it would work. His racing thoughts were interrupted by Muriel rushing into the room. "Asra?" Muriel prompted, running up to him. "Are you alright?"

"No," Asra replied in a low voice. "Lucio gave Ilya the plague somehow and I can't get to him."

A mess of emotions crossed Muriel's face, but Asra didn't have time to ask him about them. Muriel looked at the key sticking out of the keyhole and read the plaque. Muriel's face darkened, but he grabbed the key and turned it. The cage immediately opened, and Muriel didn't look at Asra. "What exactly do you plan to do when you get to him? You can't cure the plague."

"I think I have an idea," Asra said quickly. "I have to go back to the ritual."

Alarm crossed Muriel's features. "What are you planning?"

"I can- I can finish the ritual myself. I can summon the Devil that way. When he comes, I can- I can ask that he save Ilya as well as Thomas."

"Asra-"

"I need you to get Ilya and send him to me once you've freed him."

"Please don't do this."

"I'm sorry!" Without giving Muriel another chance to protest, Asra took off back down the corridor, running as fast as he could go. He heard Muriel yelling after him, but kept going. He had to do this. He had to save him.

His lungs felt ready to burst by the time he reached Lucio's bedroom again. He burst into the room, panting with the exertion, and quickly took stock of the situation. Lucio was still unconscious; good. Asra hurried past the bed to the portrait, opened the secret passage, and descended the stairs to the dining room. He hesitated only a second at the doorway before striding to the table and picking up one of the dinner knives. "Something's going to change," he muttered, setting the blade to his palm. "Something _has to_ change!"

With that muttered declaration, he drew the edge down his hand, barely feeling it as blood welled up from the cut. Quickly, he grabbed the carafe of wine and squeezed his hand over the mouth of it, letting his blood drip into the leftover wine. With shaking hands, he filled the chalice again, and then, with a deep breath, threw his head back and drank it in three gulps.

For a moment, nothing happened, and his heart sank. And then the pain started, hot white in his chest, as if he was being branded. He screamed, dropping to his knees, clutching his chest over his heart, as the world fell away. The dining room was gone; all that was around him was darkness, a single point of light emanating from his chest. His vision swam in agony as he watched the light drift from him to shine brightly several feet away from him. His heart pounded in his ears as two figured shimmered into existence before him; the Devil, looking disgusted with Asra, and in his arms- Asra's breath left him in a rush. "Thomas!"

"Yes," the Devil sneered. "I told you to gather representatives of the Arcana."

"I- I'm sorry- I couldn't- please- _please_ -"

"Pitiful." Asra stumbled to his feet as the Devil took Thomas by the wrist and flung him at Asra. Asra caught him as the light from Asra's chest sank into Thomas's, and they both sagged back to the ground. 

As the Devil turned to walk away, Asra called out, "Wait! Please wait!" The pain was beginning to receed, his voice growing stronger. The Devil stopped, glancing over his shoulder. "I want to bargain with you again!" he gasped, dragging himself back to his feet. 

"Hm? Interesting. Name your bargain."

"Ilya has the plague," Asra said quickly. "What will it take for you to save his life as well?"

The Devil turned to face Asra, laughing. "You are _entertaining_ ," he said with a toothy grin. "And surprising. I would think that now that you have your precious Thomas back, you wouldn't care about anything else. I'll give this one to you for free: that is no longer necessary. You saved his life by completing the ritual. And now, because you couldn't even put a party together right, I must go and make my own plans. You will find Thomas at your shop. Goodbye, Asra."

With that note of finality, the Devil walked away, and the world snapped back into focus. Asra was lying on the floor of the dining room. He coughed violently as he breathed, thick smoke pouring into the room. What had happened?

As he dragged himself to his knees, Julian's voice screaming his name cut through the haze of pain and confusion. In the next moment, Julian was beside him, hands on his back and shoulders as Julian looked over him frantically. Finding him unharmed, Julian's arms went around him, embracing him frantically. "What have you done?" Julian whispered, fingers tangling in Asra's hair. 

Asra was too stunned to protest the embrace, to do anything but return it. "I- I completed the ritual, and- where's the smoke coming from?"

"Lucio's room." Julian pulled away from him, putting his hands on either side of his face. Asra's stomach twisted painfully as he saw that the sclera of one of Julian's eyes was bright red. "Did you set the room on fire?"

"What? No! Why would I-"

"Something you did, then, because the whole room is ablaze. We have to get out of here."

Julian helped Asra to his feet, and together, they went up the stairs, keeping their heads down to avoid breathing in the smoke as much as possible. Asra's eyes widened as his gaze fell on the room; Julian wasn't kidding. A fire burned brightly in the bed, but- "This isn't an ordinary fire," he said in a low voice, just loud enough to be heard over the crackling of the fire. "Only- only Lucio is on fire..." He shook his head. "Come on, let's go before someone-"

A screech from the bedroom door cut Asra off, and Julian grabbed him and pulled him back into the passage. They stood face to face, listening as the courtiers screamed and shrieked. It took a second for Asra's mind to work- he was so, so tired. "I have an invisibility spell," he said quickly. "It'll only take me a moment to-"

"No. Someone has to distract them. I'll run, give you time to get out."

"Ilya-!"

Julian silenced him by kissing him, hard. Asra was too stunned to say anything when Julian pulled back. "Listen to me!" he said in a low, urgent voice. "You completed the ritual, with your blood, yes? That means Thomas is waiting for you. You _have to_ get out, Asra!"

"What about-"

"Don't worry about me, I'll be fine! Just don't waste the time I'm buying for you."

"But-"

"I'm sorry, Asra, and- and I love you." Without giving Asra a chance to respond, Julian dashed back into the room. Asra heard Julian curse loudly, yelling, "Get out of my way!" There was a commotion in the room, and then the sounds of the courtier's shrill voices fading, and then nothing. Hissing in frustration, Asra cast the glamour over himself that would render him invisible, and crept out of the room. He had no intention of letting Julian martyr himself for him.

Maintaining the spell was putting a strain on him like he'd never experienced before. He gritted his teeth against it and kept going, pushing the limits of his magic. The castle had a normal dungeon, kept for criminals arrested by House Vesuvia themselves; Julian, if he didn't get away, would probably be taken there. He made his way through the palace, down to the dungeons. Consul Valerius was there, speaking to one of the guards: "... make sure the Countess is safe," Valerius was saying. "I doubt Doctor Devorak would've made an attempt on her life as well- but we need to make sure. I'll handle him myself."

"Yes, Consul." The guard saluted, and the two went their separate ways. Asra ducked into the cell and dropped the invisibility spell, going straight for the chair that Julian was tied to. 

Julian gave him a tight grin. "Didn't I tell you to get out?"

"Shush," Asra said in a strained voice, kneeling to examine the knots binding his hands. They were tied too tightly to undo, and he didn't have a blade on him. He'd have to free him using magic. Asra suppressed an exhausted, overwhelmed sob and focused his magic on the knot.

Julian broke his concentration. "Asra, you're exhausted. There's no way you're going to be able to keep _both_ of us invisible. You've barely got the strength to get yourself out. Go." Asra shook his head, shaking away frustrated tears, and Julian's fingers clenched into a fist. "Asra, _go_!" he demanded. "All this is going to do is get us both caught! You need to be there for Thomas! Damn you, _go!_ "

"I'm so sorry, Ilya- for everything-"

"I know. Hurry, before the Consul gets back. _Please_ , I don't want you to get caught. _Hurry_."

Asra stood and dropped the invisibility spell back over himself like a veil, and made his way to the door. He barely made it out of the room before Valerius returned to the room. "Who were you talking to?" Valerius demanded. 

Asra stopped outside of the room, listening. "Talking to the voices in my head that told me to murder that good-for-nothing Count," Julian replied in a light voice. Asra knew him well enough to hear the undercurrent of fear in his tones, and he wanted desperately to go back in there, to tell Valerius that Julian was taking the fall for him, that _he_ had been the one who set the fire. He wasn't even sure if it was true or not- why had _Lucio_ gone up in flames, instead of Asra? 

It was a moot point. The fact was that Julian didn't light that fire, and now-

He squeezed his eyes shut as he listened to the conversation, hand pressed to his mouth to keep his tears silent. He listened as Valerius declared that he would be branded a murderer- literally- and nearly lost it when he heard Julian scream as the brand was pressed against the back of his hand. "I'm so sorry," Asra whispered through his tears.

Then he wiped them away and focused on escaping. He somehow managed to keep the spell wrapped around him until he was back in the city proper. The streets were full of revelers who hadn't yet gotten the news of Lucio's death. Asra ducked into a side alley, took a deep breath to steady himself, and dropped the spell. Weakness flooded him; he could only pray he wouldn't have to use magic again before he rested, because he wouldn't be able to do it. He would collapse if he tried. And then he started walking.

The further away from the palace he got, the thinner the crowd got. He shuddered with exhaustion and emotion as the tears started again, weeping bitterly for Julian. He was going to die unless something changed, and there was nothing Asra could do about it. But this was what he wanted. He told Asra to flee. He couldn't afford to focus on Julian anymore. He needed to focus on Thomas.

Why had the Devil given Thomas back? The ritual was still incomplete, even after Asra drank the bloodied wine. They hadn't had enough people to complete it. Had the Devil _lied_ to him? No... no. That couldn't be it. The Arcana were incapable of lying. He must have omitted something, then, but what?

As he turned down his street, he shook his head to clear it, taking a deep breath and squaring his shoulders. He could ponder that later. For now...

He unlocked the door and pressed his hand to the wood, releasing the protection spells he'd laid on it. Taking a deep, shuddering breath, he went in, and closed, locked, and warded the door behind him. He fumbled behind the counter for a candle and matches. He rarely used the matches; he wasn't great at fire magic, but he could still usually light candles and lanterns with no problem. Not tonight. He had no magic left in him to speak of. He fumbled with the matches for a second, forcing his shaking hands to steady long enough to light the candle. That done, he shook out the match and took the candle up the stairs to the living space. Thomas would be there. He had to be. He had no idea where else to look for him.

As his eyes adjusted to the dim light, he saw a figure lying on the bed. Asra's breath caught in his throat as his gaze fell on him, eyes closed, breathing steadily. He put the candle on the nightstand and sat on the edge of the bed, reaching out, calling Thomas's name in hope and fear. He touched him, fingers lingering on his chest. He felt the steady rise and fall of his breath, the solid beating of his heart, in time with Asra's. He called to him again and again, each time the name fell from his lips more frantic than the rest.

  
And then Thomas opened his eyes and looked straight at him. There was confusion on his face, no hint of recognition, and when Thomas opened his mouth, nothing but a wordless whine emerged. "Thomas?" Asra tried again, fingers seeking out his. As their fingers twined together, Thomas's eyes flooded with tears. Asra could feel his fear and confusion, and Asra's own emotions bubbled over as he gathered Thomas up in his arms, holding him tightly as Thomas cried. 

Softly, Asra started singing a lullaby. Thomas had once told him that he loved hearing Asra sing, and it was the only thing he could think of to do to calm him. He raked over the situation in his mind, dread settling over him. Thomas didn't seem able to speak, didn't seem to recognize him. Asra had him back- but he didn't at the same time. 

Asra continued singing and rocking Thomas, even after Thomas fell back into a fitful sleep. He stayed up all night holding him, guarding him, taking him in. Thomas was back. He could face the guilt of what had happened to Ilya now. Nothing else mattered.

As the sun came up and filtered in through the window, Thomas stirred in his arms, looking up at him. "Good morning," Asra whispered, brushing his hair out of his face. He didn't feel tired from his vigil at all. "Do you know who I am?" At first, Thomas made no movement or sound. He opened his mouth, and that wordless whine came out. Frustration flickered in Thomas's eyes, but he managed to shake his head. ""That's alright," Asra said gently. "We can start from the beginning again. My name is Asra. I don't know if you remember it, but yours is Thomas. Please don't be afraid. You're safe now."

Asra helped Thomas sit up, and together they watched the day come alive out their window. Asra suppressed tears. He had lost Ilya, and he had lost Thomas a second time. He felt like he'd lost _everything_. But it would be alright. Thomas was here now. Everything would be alright, and he couldn't let Thomas see him falter. He'd failed Ilya, but he wouldn't fail Thomas. Not again. Beside him, Thomas rested his head on Asra's shoulder, and Asra took his hand, twining their fingers. "Thank you, Ilya," he whispered.

And so, another day dawned on Vesuvia.


End file.
